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seren_ccdTitle: Lunch, amongst other things. - Part One
Fandom: Primeval
Ship: Jess Parker/Hilary Becker, background Matt/Emily and Abby/Connor
Word Count: 7,765/13,300 (in total)
Rating: R, M
Warning: mild language, sex
Disclaimer: They are not mine. I use some lines from the novel A Devil in Winter by Lisa Kleypas. To set the scene, the music mentioned in the club sounds remarkably like anything by The Kills.
Spoilers: Everything up to and including season five, episode four.
A/N: This just sort of happened. Again. I still really have no excuse for myself. A very big thank you to my two fabulous betas,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
taraljc and fringedweller!
Summary: It all started at lunch when someone mentioned sex. Becker is, surprisingly, feeling out of his depth. Matt, Emily, and Abby aren’t really helping. Jess/Becker.
It had only occurred to Jess in a roundabout way that offering her spare room at her flat to a fully established couple meant dealing with certain things. A potentially long wait to use the loo, more dishes in the sink, labelling items in the refrigerator, that sort of thing.
She’d forgotten about the sex.
And, of course, it wasn’t like Abby and Connor were, you know, doing it all over the shop; they generally kept their bedroom activities to their bedroom.
There was really only that one time when Jess was up late reading that she heard something and honestly that was simply due to the fact that they hadn’t fully closed their door. After sitting with a grimace on her face and feeling terribly embarrassed for a few moments after realising what it was she was hearing, Jess grabbed her headphones and turned on her music. Then she turned the volume up.
But really, it was fine.
Really.
So what if it was just another bit of evidence reinforcing the fact that Jess didn’t have anyone in her life that she felt comfortable being intimate with? She had a very rewarding job and surely that was good enough? Right? Right.
Right.
And then Emily came back.
Which was amazing.
Jess had always respected and enjoyed being around Emily. She had a clear and pragmatic outlook that actually resembled Jess’s own attitude at times. It was turning out to be enormous fun introducing Emily to the 21st century and getting her caught up on all the history between her time and now.
It often meant that Jess, Emily, and quite often Abby, spent their lunch hours sitting in the canteen just talking.
Which brings us to the conversation that probably started everything.
Emily had been reading several articles that Jess had picked out for her discussing the forward strides women had been able to make since the 19th century.
“I’m just astonished really,” Emily said. “I mean, I knew from the last time I was here that things were different, but to actually read about all of it, the suffragettes, the sheer determination of all those women.” She smiled. “It fills me with a sense of hope.”
Jess nodded. “We’ve come a long way. And we still have further to go.”
“Was there truly a female Prime Minister?” Emily asked.
Abby made a face and Jess said, “Well, yes, but the less said about her, the better.”
“Hmm.” Emily frowned and made a note in her notebook to look up Margaret Thatcher. She tapped the pencil against the paper and said, “I do have one question that’s a bit, well, delicate. And personal.”
“Those are usually the most fun,” Abby said around a mouthful of her sandwich. “Ask away.”
“Well, I’ve been reading about modern birth control and I’ve made an appointment with the physician here,” Emily said, “but I wanted to know...have things changed much in that particular area?”
“Area?” Jess repeated.
“Sex,” Emily said. “Have the dynamics of sex changed?”
Jess blinked and Abby took a second to swallow her food.
“Umm, well the mechanics probably haven’t changed,” Abby said. “Tab A goes into Slot B, that sort of thing. But, when you say dynamics...”
“It was considered terribly wrong for a woman to be the one to instigate any sort of physical relations,” Emily said, “and I was wondering with all of the progress made, is it now acceptable for a woman to--”
“Make the first move?” Abby offered. “Yes. Absolutely. Sometimes things will just drag on and on if you don’t.”
“Speaking from personal experience are we, Abby?” Jess asked before eating a crisp.
“Oh, yes. Connor definitely needed a few hints to get things moving,” Abby said. She raised a finger. “But! We are not discussing my love life, we’re discussing Emily’s.”
Emily dabbed at her mouth with a napkin. “I do not have a love life.”
“Oh? And what is Matt exactly?” Jess asked. “I noticed that you’ve moved back in with him.”
“It was simply easier to go back to where I’d been staying before,” Emily said. “He’s been nothing short of a gentleman.”
“And that’s the problem, is it?” Abby asked.
Emily looked conflicted.
“It’s okay if it is,” Jess said putting her hand on Emily’s arm. “It isn’t wrong, if that’s what you’re thinking. No one would ever blame you for wanting more.”
“Jess certainly wouldn’t,” Abby said with a devious grin.
Jess threw a crisp at her. “Shush! We’re talking about Emily here.”
“Are you referring to your feelings for Captain Becker?” Emily asked Jess who made a little sound of despair.
“Oh, god, how obvious am I?” Jess asked.
“Pretty obvious,” Abby said adding, “but in a really sweet way!” when she saw Jess’s face fall.
“No, no, it’s fine,” Jess said even though it clearly wasn’t. “I’m hopeless and I’ve come to terms with that. Besides,” she said overriding whatever Abby opened her mouth to say, “once again, this is about Emily and her upcoming seduction of Matt Anderson.”
Emily let out a shocked laugh and Abby nodded. “Too right. How’re you wanting to go about this? It’s Matt, so a direct approach would probably be best.”
The rest of the conversation was tabled when the alarm for an anomaly went off and the three women had to rush off to their respective positions.
A few days later, Abby was standing next to Jess at the ADD looking over a set of schematics of a building that had reported several odd creatures lurking in the ventilation system. Jess was in the midst of enhancing a set of vents along the third floor when she noticed Emily come into the room. Then she noticed how Matt’s eyes instantly went to Emily’s and the soft smile the two shared. As Emily walked past Matt, she let the tips of her fingers trail across his back just above his belt. Matt’s soft smile became practically smug, as did Emily’s.
Trying to hide a smile, Jess looked back at her screen and noticed Abby attempting to hide a smile of her own.
“Looks like Emily worked out the kinks of that particular venture,” Jess said under her breath.
“Or worked a few in,” Abby said.
Jess bit her lip trying to hold in her giggles and Abby grinned.
“We’ll have to steal her away from lover-boy for lunch to get all the dirty details,” Abby said.
“Sounds like a plan,” Jess said. Then re-focusing on the monitor she said, “Look at this entrance here.”
Lunch was delayed until the next day as the building had been invaded by a family of pre-historic mole-like creatures, which took far longer than anyone had expected to capture and move to the menagerie.
“So, spill, Lady Emily,” Abby said the next day during lunch. “How did it go getting Matt out of his skivves?”
Emily looked startled and blushed. “Well, that’s hardly information I can divulge. One doesn’t speak about such things in public.”
“Maybe not during the 1900s,” Abby said. “But in 2011, it’s actually extremely common-place. In fact, it’s mandatory in most friendships that an entire play-by-play is given.”
Jess poked Abby on the arm. “Emily, ignore her, she’s lying. If you want to keep things between you and Matt private, then you are certainly entitled to do so.”
“Thank you, Jess,” Emily said eating some of her salad.
“But, just out of curiosity,” Jess said, she leaned forward. “How was it?”
Despite herself, Emily laughed and shook her head. “Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful and surprising and not what I expected and simply lovely.”
Jess sighed happily while Abby rolled her eyes. “Less with the adjectives and more with the verbs. Details!”
“No,” Emily said firmly. “No details.”
Abby huffed in exasperation but had a smile on her face.
“All I’ll say is that Matt was very...generous,” Emily said softly. “Which was something I’d not encountered before.”
Abby nodded with a satisfied look on her face while Jess frowned and said, “What do you mean by ‘generous’?”
“Well, he took extreme care to make sure I was...pleased,” Emily said staring down at her salad.
“Good on him,” Abby said pointing her fork at Emily. “And you, actually. It’s nice when your partner is, well, attentive.”
“It sounds nice,” Jess said quietly poking at her own salad.
Abby and Emily exchanged quick glances, then Emily said, “Jess, have you never...”
“Oh, no! I have!” Jess said. “Well, you know, the once. And a half. Sort of.” She made a face and covered her eyes with her hand. “I’ve done a lot of reading?”
Abby chuckled and patted Jess’s hand. “That totally counts.”
“May I ask you a personal question?” Emily asked.
“I hear those are the fun ones,” Jess said lowering her hand and feeling just shy of miserable.
“You’re a lovely girl,” she said. “Why haven’t you--”
“Played the field? Sown some wild oats? Had a fling?” Jess supplied. She shrugged. “The honest and boring answer is that I was too busy.” She sighed. “I finished my A-levels when I was 15 and headed straight into uni for my undergraduate degree. Then I got my masters. I finished uni when I was 19 and came here almost immediately.”
She shrugged. “There hasn’t been much time for anything else.”
“And your one and a half?” Abby asked.
Jess winced. “It was one summer during a study abroad program. He was Swedish. Very blond. It was really rather rubbish as neither of us knew what we were doing.”
“Hence the ‘half’?” Abby asked.
Jess nodded and both Abby and Emily looked sympathetic, which made Jess say, “Look, it’s no big deal. And I’m not complaining, exactly. I just...I look at the two of you and I’m envious. Sorry. That’s horrible of me to say, isn’t it?”
“Of course it’s not horrible,” Abby said as Emily nodded in agreement with her. “It’s honest and I’ve been there, too, believe me.”
“Thank you,” Jess said. “And look, it’ll happen, right? He’ll just enter my life and that will be that.”
“And if he happens to wear black year round and have a disquieting affection for guns, so much the better, yeah?” Abby said.
Jess stuck her tongue out at Abby and said, “I just mean that one of these days, Mr. Right will come walking through that door and it’ll be grand, right?”
“Right,” Abby said.
“Of course,” Emily said.
They all turned their heads to the door to the break room. A minute ticked past on the clock.
No one came in.
“Typical,” Jess said.
Jess hadn’t been lying when she said she was envious of Emily and Abby and their relationships. Even with all the tension simmering between Abby and Connor over Connor’s work, they still had a connection that was so obvious and strong it made Jess’s heart ache to see it.
However, she wasn’t going to mope about things. Not her. She was busy.
There had been so much anomaly activity it was several days later that she was able to actually leave her desk to go to lunch. However, upon reaching the canteen, she saw Matt and Emily seated at one table talking quietly and Abby and Connor at another table, not exactly talking, but together.
Jess backed out of the doorway and decided to find someplace else to have lunch.
She ran through all of the potential quiet places in the ARC that she could retreat to and systematically eliminated one after the other. She got into the lift and staring at the floor buttons, she was reminded of something one of the scientists had mentioned the week before. Smiling, she hit the button for the roof.
With a sigh, Becker chose to forego taking his break in the break room, he just quickly made himself a cup of tea, grabbed a power bar and headed up to a place he was sure no one would be.
A couple of the scientists had been running an experiment dealing with solar power and had set up their ‘lab’ on the roof. They’d even gone so far as to drag a picnic table and some deck chairs up there for their long stretches of data collection and Becker was looking forward to a few quiet minutes in the spring sun.
He opened the door to the roof with his security code and walked around to the west side of the building and froze.
Someone had already beaten him to a deck chair.
But considering said someone had one of the brightest smiles he’d ever encountered, he couldn’t be too upset.
He quietly approached the figure in the deck chair and took in her relaxed pose while she read a paperback and absently munched on a sandwich.
Deciding not to startle her completely, he let his feet make some noise a few feet away. Sure enough, Jess sat up and turned around.
And there it was. A man would do quite a lot to get a smile like that sent his way.
“Becker!” she said pleasantly. “What are you doing up here?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” he said dragging the other deck chair next to her. “How did you hear about this spot?”
“Dr. Perry was telling me about it a few weeks ago,” she said adjusting her skirt and crossing her ankles. “I decided today to check it out.”
Becker smirked as he unwrapped his power bar. “Didn’t feel like watching the canoodling couples in the break room either?”
“I’m not sure whether to applaud your alliteration or wonder about your use of the word ‘canoodling’,” she said with a laugh. “And yes. Abby and Connor really need the time together and Matt and Emily, well...”
“Disgusting, aren’t they?” he said around a bite of his bar.
“Hardly! They’re sweet,” she said giving him a disapproving look. “I’m really happy for her. From what she’s told me her husband was a real jerk and Matt’s just lovely.”
“Well, I’m happy for them, too, Jess,” he said. “But do they have to be so...smug about it all?”
She turned to him with wide eyes. “You’ve noticed the smugness, too?”
“It’s hard to miss,” Becker said. “Matt’s been positively giddy the past few days. He even let me train the recruits with actual firearms yesterday.”
“Shocking,” she said the corners of her lips twitching.
He gave her a mock glare and finished his bar. She frowned.
“Is that all you’re having for lunch?” she asked. “That’s terrible.”
“It’s all I need, Jess,” he said.
“Well, at least have half of my sandwich,” she said. “I made too much as usual and I can’t possibly finish.”
She handed him a tupperware box with half of a sandwich that looked loaded with greens and some kind of filling.
He took it and was extremely touched. When was the last time someone had shared a homemade lunch with him?
“Thank you,” he said.
Jess gave him her usual brilliant smile. “It’s chicken mayo with some black pepper and salad,” she said.
“It looks amazing,” he said and after taking a bite, he had to stifle the urge to moan with pleasure. “Jess, this is really good.”
“I’m very glad you like it,” she said trying not to beam too much.
They sat in a comfortable silence while Becker ate and Jess looked out at the skyline, occasionally munching on an apple slice. Becker found himself glancing at her profile and he realised that now was the time to ask her a question that had been on his mind for some time.
“Jess, can I ask you a personal question?” he asked.
He was surprised when she laughed dryly and said, “Well, it’s certainly the week for it, so sure, fire away.”
“O-kay.” He swallowed the last of his sandwich. “What do you think of Burton?”
Jess gave him a quizzical look and then looked away. Her mouth twisted to one side and then she said, “You know, a few months ago, I would have said that I thought very well of him.”
“And now?” he asked.
She shifted a little on the deck chair. “I don’t know. Sometimes he comes into the ADD and there’s this look on his face.” She frowned. “It’s hard to describe, but it’s very...unsettling.”
“Has he ever said anything to you?” Becker asked leaning towards her. “Threatened you?”
“No, God no,” she said shaking his head. “And half the time, I’m tempted to say that it’s simply him being a rich eccentric. But after all this drama with Connor and Abby? I don’t know.”
Becker nodded and looked out over the tops of the building, feeling a mixture of satisfaction that he wasn’t alone in his perception of Burton’s behaviour and disappointment that apparently something was terribly wrong.
“It’s making me doubt things,” Jess said softly.
He looked over at her. “Like what?”
She made a face. “At the risk of sounding rather self-centred, it’s making me doubt myself.”
“What? Why?” he asked taken aback.
“He hired me,” she told him. “What if he had a reason for it? I’m more than aware that I’m hardly the usual person for the job, despite my education and my own beliefs that I can handle it. But, come on, it’s a real credit to your self-control that you didn’t burst out laughing when you first met me.”
Becker’s eyebrows rose.
“What if he hired me because I was young and lacking in proper field experience?” she said. “What if he wanted someone he could...mould into what he wanted?”
Her eyes suddenly widened and she looked at him in shock. “That’s the first time I’ve ever said any of this out loud.”
“I won’t tell anyone,” he said reaching over and putting his hand on her arm. “And while I understand your concerns...” He gave her a fond smile. “Jess, you have proven yourself time and time again to me. To all of us. No one on the team doubts your loyalty or your ability. And believe me, there’s no one I’d rather have watching my back.”
She blinked and a pretty blush stole across her face. “Well, that’s clinched it. I’m going to have to keep you around to assuage my ego on a daily basis.”
He chuckled. “Sounds like a good job to me.” He realised that he’d had his hand on her arm for quite some time and that his index finger was rubbing tiny circles on her arm. With a cough, he pulled his hand back. As he did, Jess’s phone chimed. She picked it up and sighed.
“Well, that’s lunch time over,” she said. “I’ve got a stack of reports to wade through.”
They got to their feet and Jess picked up her rubbish and put it into her bag. They headed towards the lift, Becker holding the door for her.
On the lift, Jess turned to him and said, “The same goes for you, you know.”
Becker met her eyes and she continued, “There’s no one I’d rather have protecting me. I mean, the team. The world, really.” Flustered, she rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean.”
“I know what you mean,” he said with a grin. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” She bit her lip and then said, “I enjoyed your company today.”
“So did I,” Becker said really meaning it. “We’ll have to do it again sometime.”
Jess grinned. “You just want another one of my sandwiches.”
“Amongst other things,” he said deliberately hoping for one of her blushes and surprised looks, which he got.
“You’re awful,” she said as the lift dinged for the ADD. She stepped out of the lift and only stopped when he said her name.
Putting a hand on the lift door to stop it from closing, he leaned towards her. “It didn’t even occur to me to laugh when I first met you. I was too busy being bowled over by how pretty the new field coordinator was.”
Knowing he was totally pushing his own limits, he gave her a wink and let the doors close on her pleased and surprised expression.
The lunches together on the roof kind of turned into a thing.
She hemmed and hawed the next time she found herself feeling like the odd one out, but finally picked up her phone and texted him.
Fancy eating something today?
She had a reply within seconds.
Depends. What’s on the menu? - B
Ham and cheese fresh from the deli with spicy mustard, she texted back as she headed towards the lift. Her phone chimed just before the doors closed.
Sold.
And that was that.
They didn’t meet regularly or schedule things in advance. Someone would just send a text and if things worked out, they had lunch. Sometimes they found themselves eating in the break room with everyone else and Jess still had her regular lunches with Abby and Emily, but almost once a week they’d end up on the roof, eating and talking.
If it rained, Becker simply dragged the chairs under the overhang and Jess put down towels.
Jess managed to just enjoy the lunches for what they were, a chance to relax and talk with a friend. A good friend. So what if she occasionally imagined her good friend naked and doing naughty things to her?
Then an odd thing happened.
She was explaining all of the upgrades for the current tracking program she had planned for the afternoon and talking rapidly about server issues and whether or not she would be able to link all of the software in one tidy bundle she realised something.
Becker was listening to her.
Really listening to her.
Not just nodding his head in vaguely patronising manner or staring blankly in her direction.
He was listening, watching her mouth, her hands as they gestured, smiling when she smiled, smirking when she complained. He was properly, honestly paying attention to her.
It was the biggest turn on she’d ever experienced and her brain sort of short-circuited and she had to break away to take a large gulp of her water.
“You all right?” he asked.
“Mmm, fine,” she managed to say. “I’m fine. How was training this morning?”
He started to tell her about his own morning and plans for the afternoon and she listened, making comments here and there and most definitely not thinking about how bloody attractive he was.
A few days later, she had lunch with Abby and Emily who apparently had a bone to pick with Abby.
“This was hardly an accurate representation of life in the Victorian ages,” she said as she pulled out a book and thrust it towards Abby.
Jess craned her neck to see the cover and laughed. “Abby! Did you give Emily a bodice ripper?”
“I thought she’d enjoy it,” Abby said taking the book and flipping through the pages. “You know, from a purely analytical, historical perspective.”
“I have never read such drivel in my life,” Emily said disdainfully. “Some of the adverbs were appalling.”
“You don’t read these for the adverbs,” Abby said. An innocent look came over her face. “Did you by any chance read any to Matt?”
Emily narrowed her eyes. “Only because I wasn’t precisely sure what I was reading and needed a second opinion.”
“And did he give one?” Jess asked innocently.
“No,” she said far too quickly.
Abby snickered and Jess bit her lip to stop from giggling.
“Fine, sorry to expose you to such ‘drivel’,” Abby said. “Consider it another example of modernity that you’ve just learned about.”
Emily’s look told her just what she thought about that.
Abby just shrugged and slid the book over to Jess. “Your turn.”
“What? No. Thank you,” Jess said.
“Why not? Just because you aren’t with someone doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be taking care of yourself. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.” Abby honest-to-god waggled her eyebrows at Jess.
Jess was so thrown off she let out a high-pitched laugh then slapped her hand over her mouth, her eyes darting around the room to see if anyone noticed. Emily and Abby had to fight their own laughter at the look on Jess’s face.
When she’d composed herself Jess said, “Thank you, but really, no.” She slid the book back over to Abby.
“Oh, come on, Jess,” Abby said sliding the book back to Jess. “Wait. You do know how to...”
“Yes! God! Abby!” Jess said feeling her face burn with embarrassment. “I’m a modern woman and I’m fully capable of...taking care of things, thank you very much.”
“Right on. Girl power.” Abby made the V-sign.
“Girl power?” Emily said.
“Yep--ooh! The Spice Girls!” Jess bounced in her seat. “Music! We have to bring your musical knowledge up to date. We can start off with pop bands of the late 90s,” - Abby groaned - “then we can move on to proper rock and roll. Oh, this is going to be fun!”
The rest of lunch was occupied by Jess listing bands, Abby listing opposing bands and Emily looking very bewildered.
Jess made her way up to the roof, sighing in contentment when the warmth of the sun hit her skin.
Everyone had been working overtime after the beetle incident. Jess had taken only one of the prescribed three days off as she didn't trust anyone to get the ADD set up properly. Having a lunch hour spent in the sun was just what she needed after crawling around all morning chasing after wires and hooking everything up.
She settled herself onto her usual deck chair and only allowed herself a moment’s sigh of disappointment that Becker wouldn’t be joining her. Last she’d seen him, he was in the midst of an intricate training session and probably wasn’t going to be done for some time.
She gave herself a mental shake and reached for her lunch. As she pulled out her tupperware, a paperback fell out onto the rooftop. Peering at the title, Jess groaned.
“Oh Abby, honestly,” she said picking up the bodice ripper Emily had given back to Abby a few days prior. Someone must have snuck it into her bag for Jess to discover.
She made a face looking at the cover and opened it to the first page to determine just how ridiculous it was.
Within a few minutes she was absorbed in the truly purple prose and at the end of each page she swore to put it down, but kept on reading.
Becker walked out onto the roof and sighed in relief at the fresh air. He hadn’t planned on being able to meet with Jess for lunch, but his training session ended early and he wasn’t about to miss his few minutes in the sun.
He did his best to not think about just how much he enjoyed spending time with Jess as that kind of thinking led to actions and feelings that were far more serious than he felt he could handle. She was just a good friend and he enjoyed her company. It was best to keep it that simple.
A little voice in his head chuckled and said, “Simple. Yeah. Good luck with that, mate.” The image of her pale and still in his arms after succumbing to the insect bite flashed behind his eyes and his jaw tightened in a mixture of anger and fear.
He spotted her in her usual chair and realised that she was so engrossed in her book that she didn’t hear Becker approach. He grinned at the sight of her reading so intensely that he crept up behind her to see just what had her attention.
“With his body still joined to hers, St. Vincent held still beneath her inquisitive fingers,” he read out loud.
With a shriek, Jess threw the book up into the air and it was only Becker’s quick reflexes that allowed him to catch it instead of letting it hit him in the face.
With a wicked grin, he opened the book to the page she’d been on and read, “She touched his lean sides, exploring the hard vaulting of his ribs and the satiny plane of his back.”
“What are you doing?” Jess yelled struggling to get to her feet. Once up, she grabbed for the book while Becker danced away holding it out of her reach. “Give that back!”
“His body worked inside hers with a deep thrust, as he was helplessly shaken with new tremors of rapture,” he continued. “Is this for real?”
“It’s Abby’s,” Jess said trying once again to grab the book. “Now, give it back!”
Becker kept grinning and held it above her head, peering up to read the next bit. “His mouth fastened on hers with a... what on earth is a primal greed?”
“Hilary Becker, you give that back this instant!” Jess said her voice approaching panicked.
“Good God, is this what women like?” he asked snickering.
“I wouldn’t know,” Jess said through gritted teeth, “now give it back!”
He looked at her in shock. “You wouldn’t know?” he asked lowering his arm.
“No,” she said shortly and snatching the book from him. Then she thwacked him in the stomach with it. “And you were very mean just now,” she said thwacking him again for good measure.
She turned around and sat down on the lawn chair, shoving the book back into her bag.
“Sorry,” he said absently staring at her as though he’d just discovered something rather interesting. “And what do you mean by ‘you wouldn’t know’?”
Jess squeezed her eyes shut. “Can we pretend I didn’t say that and move on?”
“If you’d like to,” he said slowly.
“I’d like to,” she said firmly not quite meeting his eyes.
Becker took a seat next to her on his deck chair and they both stared into the distance awkwardly. Finally Jess sighed.
“I just…didn’t date much when I was in school,” she said.
Becker blinked and swallowed hard. “Okay.”
“Okay.” She breathed in and out calmly and then asked, “So, how was your morning?”
"Fine, it was...fine," he said frowning as he tried to sort through the thoughts racing through his head.
"That's good."
"Yes."
A sinking feeling began to spread throughout Jess and she just stared out over the buildings of London.
"I don't think I ever said 'thank you'," she said quietly.
"What?" he asked just as quietly.
"Thank you, for everything the other day," she said. "For just...all of it. Everything. Thank you."
She couldn't bring herself to look at him but she heard him swallow hard. She looked over and saw that he was just staring at his hands that were clenched into fists on the tops of his knees.
"Are you all right?" she asked.
He raised his head and met her eyes. A corner of his mouth quirked up. "Yes. I'm fine. And you're welcome. It was entirely my pleasure."
Jess felt a little bit of her equilibrium come back and she smiled at him. He smiled back and then sighed heavily.
"Well, that sounds like a 'weight of the world's on my shoulders' kind of sigh," she said teasingly.
"Yeah," he said. "Jess, I..." He broke off and looked at her and her equilibrium swayed once again and the sinking feeling returned. Becker stood up abruptly. "I have to go. The armoury still a mess and I've got to, just, yeah." He looked down at her and seemed to struggle with the words, eventually settling on, "I'll see you."
Then he was gone.
Jess just sat there on her deck chair, feeling bereft and helpless and confused, a chill spread over her body and she shivered. She looked up and rolled her eyes as the sun retreated behind a cloud casting a shadow over the rooftop.
"If that's an act of commiseration of some sort, it's not very pleasant," she informed the sky. The sun remained hidden by the cloud and Jess sighed. "Bother."
The next day Jess was still trying to get her monitors online and spotted Abby and Emily out of the corner of her eye approaching her.
"Hey, Jess," Abby said. "How's it going?"
"Not too badly. I think we've managed to repair most of the damage," Jess said tapping at her keyboard. "I'll do a test run later today with everyone, so be ready for it. Oh, and by the way," she grabbed something from under her desk and thrust it towards Abby, "here's your stupid book back."
The glare she aimed at Abby made the other woman blink. "Thanks?"
"Becker found me reading it," Jess said evenly looking at her screen and typing furiously. "Then he teased me about it and because I have no filter on my mouth when it comes to him I wound up alluding to my utter lack of experience."
She hit the 'enter' key loudly. "Then it got all weird and I thanked him for helping me the other day and it got even weirder. Now he's not talking to me and looking at me all—"
"Weird?" Abby supplied.
"Yes."
"Oh, my," Emily said.
"Ugh," Jess said shaking her head. "This is ridiculous. I’m pathetic."
"Excuse me, but no, you are not," Emily said her eyes fierce. "Jess Parker, you are not pathetic. Who was it when in the midst of a proper allergic reaction managed to keep her head, think clearly and shoot a two inch beetle with dead accuracy?"
"I did," she said sitting up a little straighter.
"Yes, you did. So no more talk of being pathetic," Emily said. "You're simply attempting to begin a meaningful relationship with a man who has a very strong aversion to displays of affection. And closeness. And human emotions."
"Thanks, Emily." She sighed. "And he's not completely emotionally inept. I don't think. I just get so turned around when he’s near me."
"Well, that’s only natural as he’s the same way," Emily said.
"What?" Jess asked. "He's not."
"Oh, he is," Abby said. "Jess, come on. ‘Security stuff’? Nice. Nobody bought that one."
"I have a theory that your captain is actually far more over his head when it comes to you and has no idea what to do with his feelings," Emily said.
"That's... oddly reassuring," Jess said furrowing her brow. "Anyway, I'm too busy to worry about it. I just wish I'd stop feeling so...you know."
She waved her hand in the air.
"So...what? Confused?" Abby asked.
"No," Jess said.
"Upset?" Emily asked.
"No," Jess said. "So—physically...aware. Of him."
"You mean turned on?" Abby said leaning forward with a cheeky grin.
"Shh! And yes," Jess said furtively. "Oh, go away. I can't talk about this here. I have work to do."
"You know we could go out," Abby said. "Find you someone."
"What like a one night stand or a booty call?" Jess said looking at Abby askance.
"No, just have a fun night out. Dance, have a few drinks," Abby said. She turned to Emily. "We haven't taken you dancing yet. You'll love it."
"If you say so," Emily said uncertainly.
"I'll think about it," Jess said.
"Jess!" Lester called from the door of his office. "If you and the other ladies are quite finished I would like to have my office actually resemble an office this century, if that isn't too much trouble."
"Be right there!" Jess called back. Then under her breath added, "Honestly, that man."
"We'll catch you later, yeah?" Abby said.
"Later, yes," Jess said heading off towards Lester's office.
Abby and Emily shared a glance and then went their separate ways.
Later that day, Emily wandered into the canteen and saw Becker and Matt sitting at one of the small tables, each with a mug of tea and absorbed in their paperwork.
“Hello,” she said walking passed them to make her own cup.
“Hey,” Matt said a fond smile appearing on his face. Emily gave him a small smile of her own and once again marvelled at being around a man that wasn’t afraid or ashamed to show emotions. Especially emotions towards her. A quiet thrill ran through her. She quickly yet precisely made a cup of tea and took a seat next to Matt at the table.
Becker gave her a nod and went back to his files.
“What have you been up to?” Matt asked.
“Reading up on my history,” Emily said. “Jess and Abby have been very helpful in pointing out interesting moments in history and it’s terribly fascinating. So much has happened. So many advances.” She frowned. “Some of them quite terrible.”
“Not all of them, I hope,” he said quietly.
“No, not all of them,” she said giving him another of her smiles. Her face fell. “I do have a question about a phrase I heard today and didn’t get to clarify.”
“What phrase is that?” Matt asked raising his mug to his lips.
“Well, what exactly is a ‘booty call’?” she asked.
Matt choked on his tea and Becker snorted.
“Who was talking about booty calls?” Matt asked.
“Jess was,” Emily said noticing that Becker raised his head sharply. “Abby mentioned taking her out for a night out and finding her 'someone'. Jess then mentioned a one night stand and a booty call.” She tilted her head. “Going by the context, I believe I can determine the meaning of a ‘one night stand’, but booty call escapes me.”
“Ah, well,” Matt said blushing and looking awkward. “A booty call is pretty much someone calling another person up with the sole goal of, well, having sex.”
“Oh,” Emily said looking thoughtful.
“It tends to be a bit lacking in, well, depth of feeling,” Matt went on. “Are you sure it was Jess talking about this?”
“Oh yes, quite sure,” she said.
“That really doesn't sound like Jess,” Becker said his face a still mask. "Are you sure you heard correctly?"
“Well, yes,” Emily said. “I was there. Jess was the one who used the phrase.”
Becker put down the file and stared off into the distance. “Jess Parker does not use phrases like ‘booty call’, nor would she actually participate in one. She’s not that kind of girl.”
“The kind that has sex?” Emily asked bluntly. Matt choked on another sip of tea and prudently set the mug down on the table and pushed it away from him.
Becker looked uncomfortable. “No. I mean... I have no idea... I know that she hasn't really... At some point I'm sure... Look, she’s a nice girl and she would never do anything that didn’t have some kind of, I don’t know, meaning associated with it.”
“So only bad girls have sex?” Emily asked.
“No! Just.” Becker seemed to struggle for words. “Jess is very young and inexperienced and very…proper. She just wouldn’t do that kind of thing.”
This was said with a combination of stubbornness, derision and most telling of all, Emily noted, panic.
Emily studied him and finally said, “Talking about Jess having sex makes you uncomfortable.”
“Yes,” he said shuffling the file in his hands. “Talking about one of my friends having sex makes me uncomfortable.”
“Is it the fact that Jess might have had sex in the past or that she might have sex in the future?” Emily asked. “Which one makes you more uncomfortable?”
Becker seemed to sort of sputter and Matt just sat there while a smirk began to form on his face.
“Or,” Emily said triumphantly. “Is it the idea of Jess having sex with someone that isn’t you the true sticking point?”
Becker’s jaw dropped and Matt looked like he wanted to applaud.
“I-- I--,” Becker said. “I have to go. Somewhere. Else.”
He grabbed his papers and abruptly got up, his chair making a harsh scraping sound on the floor. Then he strode out of the break room.
Matt looked at Emily. “That was beautiful,” he told her. “Simply stunning.”
Emily merely smiled and took a dainty sip of her tea.
Becker got into the lift in what could accurately be described as a ‘huff’. He pressed the button for the armoury and crossed his arms over his chest, crumpling the files in the process.
‘Booty call’. Christ. There was no way Jess Parker would ever consider a bloody booty call. Or a one night stand. The idea was preposterous. Emily heard wrong.
But what if she didn’t? an evil little voice whispered.
“She did,” he said out loud, startling himself. He shook his head and rolled his eyes.
Of course, she did. Jess just wouldn’t do something like that. She was too naive, too sweet. To bloody young.
But...what if she being influenced by someone? Or felt like she needed to prove herself somehow? After what she’d sort of said the other day…
The image of some faceless bloke with his hands on her flashed in his mind. Jess directing one of her brilliant smiles at someone who wasn’t him. Letting someone else kiss the length of her neck… Trail their fingertips over her waist and the inside of her arms…
Jess spread out in someone else’s bed…
The lift stopped and the doors opened displaying the armoury. Becker stood there staring into space, hands clenched into fists.
Crap.
He pressed the button for the ADD floor.
By the time he got there, he’d worked himself up into a proper righteous indignation. How dare she even consider doing something so reckless? Didn’t she know that there were people out there just salivating at the chance to take advantage of a pretty, young girl like her? Was she honestly considering putting herself in that kind of harm’s way? Damn it, what was going through her head?
The lift doors opened and Becker stormed out of the lift and headed straight for the ADD and the petite young woman sitting in front of it.
“What the hell is this I hear about you looking for a one night stand?” he asked loudly.
Jess froze and turned in her chair, her eyes wide with shock and mortification. Silence reigned in the ADD.
A throat cleared just to the side of Becker and he turned to see Lester staring at him with a far too placid look.
“I’ll just leave these reports in your hands, shall I, Miss Parker?” he said. “It appears you have...other pressing matters to discuss.”
He gave Becker a look that could only be described as a ‘warning’ and then walked to his office, closing the door loudly.
Becker winced and turned to look at Jess who had turned a serious shade of pink. She swallowed hard.
“What did you say?” she asked faintly.
Becker cleared his throat. “I heard that you were, um, thinking about havingaonenightstand,” he said the last part very quickly and under his breath.
“I see,” she said and despite the furious blush on her face, she held her head high. “And precisely what business is it of yours?”
The ‘you ass’ was heavily implied.
He cleared his throat again. “I just think that participating in that kind of behaviour would be irresponsible and potentially dangerous,” he said. “You know how top-secret everything we do here is, it’s just not a good idea to put yourself out there into a vulnerable situation where you might reveal something you shouldn’t.”
Yeah. That was the wrong thing to say. Which he reliased precisely around the time her eyes narrowed.
“Oh, I see,” she said rising up out of her chair which actually gives her a bit of height over him. “So, you think that I’m incapable of being discreet and that the second my clothes come off, I’ll blab state secrets to the whole world.”
“That’s not what I meant,” he said.
“It’s what you said,” she said. She stepped down off the platform and even though this made her shorter than him, Becker was feeling really kind of small.
“Look--” she struggled to come up with an appropriate derogatory term and eventually settled on, “you. What I choose to do in my private time is exactly that: private. You have absolutely no say whatsoever. Is that clear?”
"Jess," he said, "you can’t just go throwing around that you’re looking for a booty call, people might get the wrong idea.”
She gave him a look that told him exactly how dumb she currently thought he was. “Becker. How do you know that that isn’t precisely the idea I want people to get?”
For the second time in less than an hour, Becker’s jaw dropped. Apparently satisfied that her point had been made, Jess turned on her heel (navy blue with a polka-dotted bow) and went back to her seat. She sat down, gave him a truly withering look and then swivelled around to face the monitors, effectively turning her back on him.
Becker stared at the back of her head and wondered if he could have possibly done an even worse job articulating himself than the one he just did. He looked away and saw Lester glaring disdainfully from behind his desk. With a sigh, Becker turned and got back into the lift hitting the button for the armoury with a great amount of force.
Jess heard the doors of the lift close and slumped down in her chair, the fight simply gone.
“Idiot,” she said softly not quite sure if she meant Becker or herself. Then with a shake of her head, she picked up her phone and tapped on one of the contacts. She crossed and arm over her chest as it rang. When it was answered Jess said, “Abby? You know how you mentioned something about going out? And dancing?” She lifted her chin. “I’m in. Let’s go tonight.”
Part Two
Fandom: Primeval
Ship: Jess Parker/Hilary Becker, background Matt/Emily and Abby/Connor
Word Count: 7,765/13,300 (in total)
Rating: R, M
Warning: mild language, sex
Disclaimer: They are not mine. I use some lines from the novel A Devil in Winter by Lisa Kleypas. To set the scene, the music mentioned in the club sounds remarkably like anything by The Kills.
Spoilers: Everything up to and including season five, episode four.
A/N: This just sort of happened. Again. I still really have no excuse for myself. A very big thank you to my two fabulous betas,
taraljc and fringedweller!Summary: It all started at lunch when someone mentioned sex. Becker is, surprisingly, feeling out of his depth. Matt, Emily, and Abby aren’t really helping. Jess/Becker.
It had only occurred to Jess in a roundabout way that offering her spare room at her flat to a fully established couple meant dealing with certain things. A potentially long wait to use the loo, more dishes in the sink, labelling items in the refrigerator, that sort of thing.
She’d forgotten about the sex.
And, of course, it wasn’t like Abby and Connor were, you know, doing it all over the shop; they generally kept their bedroom activities to their bedroom.
There was really only that one time when Jess was up late reading that she heard something and honestly that was simply due to the fact that they hadn’t fully closed their door. After sitting with a grimace on her face and feeling terribly embarrassed for a few moments after realising what it was she was hearing, Jess grabbed her headphones and turned on her music. Then she turned the volume up.
But really, it was fine.
Really.
So what if it was just another bit of evidence reinforcing the fact that Jess didn’t have anyone in her life that she felt comfortable being intimate with? She had a very rewarding job and surely that was good enough? Right? Right.
Right.
And then Emily came back.
Which was amazing.
Jess had always respected and enjoyed being around Emily. She had a clear and pragmatic outlook that actually resembled Jess’s own attitude at times. It was turning out to be enormous fun introducing Emily to the 21st century and getting her caught up on all the history between her time and now.
It often meant that Jess, Emily, and quite often Abby, spent their lunch hours sitting in the canteen just talking.
Which brings us to the conversation that probably started everything.
Emily had been reading several articles that Jess had picked out for her discussing the forward strides women had been able to make since the 19th century.
“I’m just astonished really,” Emily said. “I mean, I knew from the last time I was here that things were different, but to actually read about all of it, the suffragettes, the sheer determination of all those women.” She smiled. “It fills me with a sense of hope.”
Jess nodded. “We’ve come a long way. And we still have further to go.”
“Was there truly a female Prime Minister?” Emily asked.
Abby made a face and Jess said, “Well, yes, but the less said about her, the better.”
“Hmm.” Emily frowned and made a note in her notebook to look up Margaret Thatcher. She tapped the pencil against the paper and said, “I do have one question that’s a bit, well, delicate. And personal.”
“Those are usually the most fun,” Abby said around a mouthful of her sandwich. “Ask away.”
“Well, I’ve been reading about modern birth control and I’ve made an appointment with the physician here,” Emily said, “but I wanted to know...have things changed much in that particular area?”
“Area?” Jess repeated.
“Sex,” Emily said. “Have the dynamics of sex changed?”
Jess blinked and Abby took a second to swallow her food.
“Umm, well the mechanics probably haven’t changed,” Abby said. “Tab A goes into Slot B, that sort of thing. But, when you say dynamics...”
“It was considered terribly wrong for a woman to be the one to instigate any sort of physical relations,” Emily said, “and I was wondering with all of the progress made, is it now acceptable for a woman to--”
“Make the first move?” Abby offered. “Yes. Absolutely. Sometimes things will just drag on and on if you don’t.”
“Speaking from personal experience are we, Abby?” Jess asked before eating a crisp.
“Oh, yes. Connor definitely needed a few hints to get things moving,” Abby said. She raised a finger. “But! We are not discussing my love life, we’re discussing Emily’s.”
Emily dabbed at her mouth with a napkin. “I do not have a love life.”
“Oh? And what is Matt exactly?” Jess asked. “I noticed that you’ve moved back in with him.”
“It was simply easier to go back to where I’d been staying before,” Emily said. “He’s been nothing short of a gentleman.”
“And that’s the problem, is it?” Abby asked.
Emily looked conflicted.
“It’s okay if it is,” Jess said putting her hand on Emily’s arm. “It isn’t wrong, if that’s what you’re thinking. No one would ever blame you for wanting more.”
“Jess certainly wouldn’t,” Abby said with a devious grin.
Jess threw a crisp at her. “Shush! We’re talking about Emily here.”
“Are you referring to your feelings for Captain Becker?” Emily asked Jess who made a little sound of despair.
“Oh, god, how obvious am I?” Jess asked.
“Pretty obvious,” Abby said adding, “but in a really sweet way!” when she saw Jess’s face fall.
“No, no, it’s fine,” Jess said even though it clearly wasn’t. “I’m hopeless and I’ve come to terms with that. Besides,” she said overriding whatever Abby opened her mouth to say, “once again, this is about Emily and her upcoming seduction of Matt Anderson.”
Emily let out a shocked laugh and Abby nodded. “Too right. How’re you wanting to go about this? It’s Matt, so a direct approach would probably be best.”
The rest of the conversation was tabled when the alarm for an anomaly went off and the three women had to rush off to their respective positions.
A few days later, Abby was standing next to Jess at the ADD looking over a set of schematics of a building that had reported several odd creatures lurking in the ventilation system. Jess was in the midst of enhancing a set of vents along the third floor when she noticed Emily come into the room. Then she noticed how Matt’s eyes instantly went to Emily’s and the soft smile the two shared. As Emily walked past Matt, she let the tips of her fingers trail across his back just above his belt. Matt’s soft smile became practically smug, as did Emily’s.
Trying to hide a smile, Jess looked back at her screen and noticed Abby attempting to hide a smile of her own.
“Looks like Emily worked out the kinks of that particular venture,” Jess said under her breath.
“Or worked a few in,” Abby said.
Jess bit her lip trying to hold in her giggles and Abby grinned.
“We’ll have to steal her away from lover-boy for lunch to get all the dirty details,” Abby said.
“Sounds like a plan,” Jess said. Then re-focusing on the monitor she said, “Look at this entrance here.”
Lunch was delayed until the next day as the building had been invaded by a family of pre-historic mole-like creatures, which took far longer than anyone had expected to capture and move to the menagerie.
“So, spill, Lady Emily,” Abby said the next day during lunch. “How did it go getting Matt out of his skivves?”
Emily looked startled and blushed. “Well, that’s hardly information I can divulge. One doesn’t speak about such things in public.”
“Maybe not during the 1900s,” Abby said. “But in 2011, it’s actually extremely common-place. In fact, it’s mandatory in most friendships that an entire play-by-play is given.”
Jess poked Abby on the arm. “Emily, ignore her, she’s lying. If you want to keep things between you and Matt private, then you are certainly entitled to do so.”
“Thank you, Jess,” Emily said eating some of her salad.
“But, just out of curiosity,” Jess said, she leaned forward. “How was it?”
Despite herself, Emily laughed and shook her head. “Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful and surprising and not what I expected and simply lovely.”
Jess sighed happily while Abby rolled her eyes. “Less with the adjectives and more with the verbs. Details!”
“No,” Emily said firmly. “No details.”
Abby huffed in exasperation but had a smile on her face.
“All I’ll say is that Matt was very...generous,” Emily said softly. “Which was something I’d not encountered before.”
Abby nodded with a satisfied look on her face while Jess frowned and said, “What do you mean by ‘generous’?”
“Well, he took extreme care to make sure I was...pleased,” Emily said staring down at her salad.
“Good on him,” Abby said pointing her fork at Emily. “And you, actually. It’s nice when your partner is, well, attentive.”
“It sounds nice,” Jess said quietly poking at her own salad.
Abby and Emily exchanged quick glances, then Emily said, “Jess, have you never...”
“Oh, no! I have!” Jess said. “Well, you know, the once. And a half. Sort of.” She made a face and covered her eyes with her hand. “I’ve done a lot of reading?”
Abby chuckled and patted Jess’s hand. “That totally counts.”
“May I ask you a personal question?” Emily asked.
“I hear those are the fun ones,” Jess said lowering her hand and feeling just shy of miserable.
“You’re a lovely girl,” she said. “Why haven’t you--”
“Played the field? Sown some wild oats? Had a fling?” Jess supplied. She shrugged. “The honest and boring answer is that I was too busy.” She sighed. “I finished my A-levels when I was 15 and headed straight into uni for my undergraduate degree. Then I got my masters. I finished uni when I was 19 and came here almost immediately.”
She shrugged. “There hasn’t been much time for anything else.”
“And your one and a half?” Abby asked.
Jess winced. “It was one summer during a study abroad program. He was Swedish. Very blond. It was really rather rubbish as neither of us knew what we were doing.”
“Hence the ‘half’?” Abby asked.
Jess nodded and both Abby and Emily looked sympathetic, which made Jess say, “Look, it’s no big deal. And I’m not complaining, exactly. I just...I look at the two of you and I’m envious. Sorry. That’s horrible of me to say, isn’t it?”
“Of course it’s not horrible,” Abby said as Emily nodded in agreement with her. “It’s honest and I’ve been there, too, believe me.”
“Thank you,” Jess said. “And look, it’ll happen, right? He’ll just enter my life and that will be that.”
“And if he happens to wear black year round and have a disquieting affection for guns, so much the better, yeah?” Abby said.
Jess stuck her tongue out at Abby and said, “I just mean that one of these days, Mr. Right will come walking through that door and it’ll be grand, right?”
“Right,” Abby said.
“Of course,” Emily said.
They all turned their heads to the door to the break room. A minute ticked past on the clock.
No one came in.
“Typical,” Jess said.
Jess hadn’t been lying when she said she was envious of Emily and Abby and their relationships. Even with all the tension simmering between Abby and Connor over Connor’s work, they still had a connection that was so obvious and strong it made Jess’s heart ache to see it.
However, she wasn’t going to mope about things. Not her. She was busy.
There had been so much anomaly activity it was several days later that she was able to actually leave her desk to go to lunch. However, upon reaching the canteen, she saw Matt and Emily seated at one table talking quietly and Abby and Connor at another table, not exactly talking, but together.
Jess backed out of the doorway and decided to find someplace else to have lunch.
She ran through all of the potential quiet places in the ARC that she could retreat to and systematically eliminated one after the other. She got into the lift and staring at the floor buttons, she was reminded of something one of the scientists had mentioned the week before. Smiling, she hit the button for the roof.
With a sigh, Becker chose to forego taking his break in the break room, he just quickly made himself a cup of tea, grabbed a power bar and headed up to a place he was sure no one would be.
A couple of the scientists had been running an experiment dealing with solar power and had set up their ‘lab’ on the roof. They’d even gone so far as to drag a picnic table and some deck chairs up there for their long stretches of data collection and Becker was looking forward to a few quiet minutes in the spring sun.
He opened the door to the roof with his security code and walked around to the west side of the building and froze.
Someone had already beaten him to a deck chair.
But considering said someone had one of the brightest smiles he’d ever encountered, he couldn’t be too upset.
He quietly approached the figure in the deck chair and took in her relaxed pose while she read a paperback and absently munched on a sandwich.
Deciding not to startle her completely, he let his feet make some noise a few feet away. Sure enough, Jess sat up and turned around.
And there it was. A man would do quite a lot to get a smile like that sent his way.
“Becker!” she said pleasantly. “What are you doing up here?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” he said dragging the other deck chair next to her. “How did you hear about this spot?”
“Dr. Perry was telling me about it a few weeks ago,” she said adjusting her skirt and crossing her ankles. “I decided today to check it out.”
Becker smirked as he unwrapped his power bar. “Didn’t feel like watching the canoodling couples in the break room either?”
“I’m not sure whether to applaud your alliteration or wonder about your use of the word ‘canoodling’,” she said with a laugh. “And yes. Abby and Connor really need the time together and Matt and Emily, well...”
“Disgusting, aren’t they?” he said around a bite of his bar.
“Hardly! They’re sweet,” she said giving him a disapproving look. “I’m really happy for her. From what she’s told me her husband was a real jerk and Matt’s just lovely.”
“Well, I’m happy for them, too, Jess,” he said. “But do they have to be so...smug about it all?”
She turned to him with wide eyes. “You’ve noticed the smugness, too?”
“It’s hard to miss,” Becker said. “Matt’s been positively giddy the past few days. He even let me train the recruits with actual firearms yesterday.”
“Shocking,” she said the corners of her lips twitching.
He gave her a mock glare and finished his bar. She frowned.
“Is that all you’re having for lunch?” she asked. “That’s terrible.”
“It’s all I need, Jess,” he said.
“Well, at least have half of my sandwich,” she said. “I made too much as usual and I can’t possibly finish.”
She handed him a tupperware box with half of a sandwich that looked loaded with greens and some kind of filling.
He took it and was extremely touched. When was the last time someone had shared a homemade lunch with him?
“Thank you,” he said.
Jess gave him her usual brilliant smile. “It’s chicken mayo with some black pepper and salad,” she said.
“It looks amazing,” he said and after taking a bite, he had to stifle the urge to moan with pleasure. “Jess, this is really good.”
“I’m very glad you like it,” she said trying not to beam too much.
They sat in a comfortable silence while Becker ate and Jess looked out at the skyline, occasionally munching on an apple slice. Becker found himself glancing at her profile and he realised that now was the time to ask her a question that had been on his mind for some time.
“Jess, can I ask you a personal question?” he asked.
He was surprised when she laughed dryly and said, “Well, it’s certainly the week for it, so sure, fire away.”
“O-kay.” He swallowed the last of his sandwich. “What do you think of Burton?”
Jess gave him a quizzical look and then looked away. Her mouth twisted to one side and then she said, “You know, a few months ago, I would have said that I thought very well of him.”
“And now?” he asked.
She shifted a little on the deck chair. “I don’t know. Sometimes he comes into the ADD and there’s this look on his face.” She frowned. “It’s hard to describe, but it’s very...unsettling.”
“Has he ever said anything to you?” Becker asked leaning towards her. “Threatened you?”
“No, God no,” she said shaking his head. “And half the time, I’m tempted to say that it’s simply him being a rich eccentric. But after all this drama with Connor and Abby? I don’t know.”
Becker nodded and looked out over the tops of the building, feeling a mixture of satisfaction that he wasn’t alone in his perception of Burton’s behaviour and disappointment that apparently something was terribly wrong.
“It’s making me doubt things,” Jess said softly.
He looked over at her. “Like what?”
She made a face. “At the risk of sounding rather self-centred, it’s making me doubt myself.”
“What? Why?” he asked taken aback.
“He hired me,” she told him. “What if he had a reason for it? I’m more than aware that I’m hardly the usual person for the job, despite my education and my own beliefs that I can handle it. But, come on, it’s a real credit to your self-control that you didn’t burst out laughing when you first met me.”
Becker’s eyebrows rose.
“What if he hired me because I was young and lacking in proper field experience?” she said. “What if he wanted someone he could...mould into what he wanted?”
Her eyes suddenly widened and she looked at him in shock. “That’s the first time I’ve ever said any of this out loud.”
“I won’t tell anyone,” he said reaching over and putting his hand on her arm. “And while I understand your concerns...” He gave her a fond smile. “Jess, you have proven yourself time and time again to me. To all of us. No one on the team doubts your loyalty or your ability. And believe me, there’s no one I’d rather have watching my back.”
She blinked and a pretty blush stole across her face. “Well, that’s clinched it. I’m going to have to keep you around to assuage my ego on a daily basis.”
He chuckled. “Sounds like a good job to me.” He realised that he’d had his hand on her arm for quite some time and that his index finger was rubbing tiny circles on her arm. With a cough, he pulled his hand back. As he did, Jess’s phone chimed. She picked it up and sighed.
“Well, that’s lunch time over,” she said. “I’ve got a stack of reports to wade through.”
They got to their feet and Jess picked up her rubbish and put it into her bag. They headed towards the lift, Becker holding the door for her.
On the lift, Jess turned to him and said, “The same goes for you, you know.”
Becker met her eyes and she continued, “There’s no one I’d rather have protecting me. I mean, the team. The world, really.” Flustered, she rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean.”
“I know what you mean,” he said with a grin. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” She bit her lip and then said, “I enjoyed your company today.”
“So did I,” Becker said really meaning it. “We’ll have to do it again sometime.”
Jess grinned. “You just want another one of my sandwiches.”
“Amongst other things,” he said deliberately hoping for one of her blushes and surprised looks, which he got.
“You’re awful,” she said as the lift dinged for the ADD. She stepped out of the lift and only stopped when he said her name.
Putting a hand on the lift door to stop it from closing, he leaned towards her. “It didn’t even occur to me to laugh when I first met you. I was too busy being bowled over by how pretty the new field coordinator was.”
Knowing he was totally pushing his own limits, he gave her a wink and let the doors close on her pleased and surprised expression.
The lunches together on the roof kind of turned into a thing.
She hemmed and hawed the next time she found herself feeling like the odd one out, but finally picked up her phone and texted him.
Fancy eating something today?
She had a reply within seconds.
Depends. What’s on the menu? - B
Ham and cheese fresh from the deli with spicy mustard, she texted back as she headed towards the lift. Her phone chimed just before the doors closed.
Sold.
And that was that.
They didn’t meet regularly or schedule things in advance. Someone would just send a text and if things worked out, they had lunch. Sometimes they found themselves eating in the break room with everyone else and Jess still had her regular lunches with Abby and Emily, but almost once a week they’d end up on the roof, eating and talking.
If it rained, Becker simply dragged the chairs under the overhang and Jess put down towels.
Jess managed to just enjoy the lunches for what they were, a chance to relax and talk with a friend. A good friend. So what if she occasionally imagined her good friend naked and doing naughty things to her?
Then an odd thing happened.
She was explaining all of the upgrades for the current tracking program she had planned for the afternoon and talking rapidly about server issues and whether or not she would be able to link all of the software in one tidy bundle she realised something.
Becker was listening to her.
Really listening to her.
Not just nodding his head in vaguely patronising manner or staring blankly in her direction.
He was listening, watching her mouth, her hands as they gestured, smiling when she smiled, smirking when she complained. He was properly, honestly paying attention to her.
It was the biggest turn on she’d ever experienced and her brain sort of short-circuited and she had to break away to take a large gulp of her water.
“You all right?” he asked.
“Mmm, fine,” she managed to say. “I’m fine. How was training this morning?”
He started to tell her about his own morning and plans for the afternoon and she listened, making comments here and there and most definitely not thinking about how bloody attractive he was.
A few days later, she had lunch with Abby and Emily who apparently had a bone to pick with Abby.
“This was hardly an accurate representation of life in the Victorian ages,” she said as she pulled out a book and thrust it towards Abby.
Jess craned her neck to see the cover and laughed. “Abby! Did you give Emily a bodice ripper?”
“I thought she’d enjoy it,” Abby said taking the book and flipping through the pages. “You know, from a purely analytical, historical perspective.”
“I have never read such drivel in my life,” Emily said disdainfully. “Some of the adverbs were appalling.”
“You don’t read these for the adverbs,” Abby said. An innocent look came over her face. “Did you by any chance read any to Matt?”
Emily narrowed her eyes. “Only because I wasn’t precisely sure what I was reading and needed a second opinion.”
“And did he give one?” Jess asked innocently.
“No,” she said far too quickly.
Abby snickered and Jess bit her lip to stop from giggling.
“Fine, sorry to expose you to such ‘drivel’,” Abby said. “Consider it another example of modernity that you’ve just learned about.”
Emily’s look told her just what she thought about that.
Abby just shrugged and slid the book over to Jess. “Your turn.”
“What? No. Thank you,” Jess said.
“Why not? Just because you aren’t with someone doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be taking care of yourself. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.” Abby honest-to-god waggled her eyebrows at Jess.
Jess was so thrown off she let out a high-pitched laugh then slapped her hand over her mouth, her eyes darting around the room to see if anyone noticed. Emily and Abby had to fight their own laughter at the look on Jess’s face.
When she’d composed herself Jess said, “Thank you, but really, no.” She slid the book back over to Abby.
“Oh, come on, Jess,” Abby said sliding the book back to Jess. “Wait. You do know how to...”
“Yes! God! Abby!” Jess said feeling her face burn with embarrassment. “I’m a modern woman and I’m fully capable of...taking care of things, thank you very much.”
“Right on. Girl power.” Abby made the V-sign.
“Girl power?” Emily said.
“Yep--ooh! The Spice Girls!” Jess bounced in her seat. “Music! We have to bring your musical knowledge up to date. We can start off with pop bands of the late 90s,” - Abby groaned - “then we can move on to proper rock and roll. Oh, this is going to be fun!”
The rest of lunch was occupied by Jess listing bands, Abby listing opposing bands and Emily looking very bewildered.
Jess made her way up to the roof, sighing in contentment when the warmth of the sun hit her skin.
Everyone had been working overtime after the beetle incident. Jess had taken only one of the prescribed three days off as she didn't trust anyone to get the ADD set up properly. Having a lunch hour spent in the sun was just what she needed after crawling around all morning chasing after wires and hooking everything up.
She settled herself onto her usual deck chair and only allowed herself a moment’s sigh of disappointment that Becker wouldn’t be joining her. Last she’d seen him, he was in the midst of an intricate training session and probably wasn’t going to be done for some time.
She gave herself a mental shake and reached for her lunch. As she pulled out her tupperware, a paperback fell out onto the rooftop. Peering at the title, Jess groaned.
“Oh Abby, honestly,” she said picking up the bodice ripper Emily had given back to Abby a few days prior. Someone must have snuck it into her bag for Jess to discover.
She made a face looking at the cover and opened it to the first page to determine just how ridiculous it was.
Within a few minutes she was absorbed in the truly purple prose and at the end of each page she swore to put it down, but kept on reading.
Becker walked out onto the roof and sighed in relief at the fresh air. He hadn’t planned on being able to meet with Jess for lunch, but his training session ended early and he wasn’t about to miss his few minutes in the sun.
He did his best to not think about just how much he enjoyed spending time with Jess as that kind of thinking led to actions and feelings that were far more serious than he felt he could handle. She was just a good friend and he enjoyed her company. It was best to keep it that simple.
A little voice in his head chuckled and said, “Simple. Yeah. Good luck with that, mate.” The image of her pale and still in his arms after succumbing to the insect bite flashed behind his eyes and his jaw tightened in a mixture of anger and fear.
He spotted her in her usual chair and realised that she was so engrossed in her book that she didn’t hear Becker approach. He grinned at the sight of her reading so intensely that he crept up behind her to see just what had her attention.
“With his body still joined to hers, St. Vincent held still beneath her inquisitive fingers,” he read out loud.
With a shriek, Jess threw the book up into the air and it was only Becker’s quick reflexes that allowed him to catch it instead of letting it hit him in the face.
With a wicked grin, he opened the book to the page she’d been on and read, “She touched his lean sides, exploring the hard vaulting of his ribs and the satiny plane of his back.”
“What are you doing?” Jess yelled struggling to get to her feet. Once up, she grabbed for the book while Becker danced away holding it out of her reach. “Give that back!”
“His body worked inside hers with a deep thrust, as he was helplessly shaken with new tremors of rapture,” he continued. “Is this for real?”
“It’s Abby’s,” Jess said trying once again to grab the book. “Now, give it back!”
Becker kept grinning and held it above her head, peering up to read the next bit. “His mouth fastened on hers with a... what on earth is a primal greed?”
“Hilary Becker, you give that back this instant!” Jess said her voice approaching panicked.
“Good God, is this what women like?” he asked snickering.
“I wouldn’t know,” Jess said through gritted teeth, “now give it back!”
He looked at her in shock. “You wouldn’t know?” he asked lowering his arm.
“No,” she said shortly and snatching the book from him. Then she thwacked him in the stomach with it. “And you were very mean just now,” she said thwacking him again for good measure.
She turned around and sat down on the lawn chair, shoving the book back into her bag.
“Sorry,” he said absently staring at her as though he’d just discovered something rather interesting. “And what do you mean by ‘you wouldn’t know’?”
Jess squeezed her eyes shut. “Can we pretend I didn’t say that and move on?”
“If you’d like to,” he said slowly.
“I’d like to,” she said firmly not quite meeting his eyes.
Becker took a seat next to her on his deck chair and they both stared into the distance awkwardly. Finally Jess sighed.
“I just…didn’t date much when I was in school,” she said.
Becker blinked and swallowed hard. “Okay.”
“Okay.” She breathed in and out calmly and then asked, “So, how was your morning?”
"Fine, it was...fine," he said frowning as he tried to sort through the thoughts racing through his head.
"That's good."
"Yes."
A sinking feeling began to spread throughout Jess and she just stared out over the buildings of London.
"I don't think I ever said 'thank you'," she said quietly.
"What?" he asked just as quietly.
"Thank you, for everything the other day," she said. "For just...all of it. Everything. Thank you."
She couldn't bring herself to look at him but she heard him swallow hard. She looked over and saw that he was just staring at his hands that were clenched into fists on the tops of his knees.
"Are you all right?" she asked.
He raised his head and met her eyes. A corner of his mouth quirked up. "Yes. I'm fine. And you're welcome. It was entirely my pleasure."
Jess felt a little bit of her equilibrium come back and she smiled at him. He smiled back and then sighed heavily.
"Well, that sounds like a 'weight of the world's on my shoulders' kind of sigh," she said teasingly.
"Yeah," he said. "Jess, I..." He broke off and looked at her and her equilibrium swayed once again and the sinking feeling returned. Becker stood up abruptly. "I have to go. The armoury still a mess and I've got to, just, yeah." He looked down at her and seemed to struggle with the words, eventually settling on, "I'll see you."
Then he was gone.
Jess just sat there on her deck chair, feeling bereft and helpless and confused, a chill spread over her body and she shivered. She looked up and rolled her eyes as the sun retreated behind a cloud casting a shadow over the rooftop.
"If that's an act of commiseration of some sort, it's not very pleasant," she informed the sky. The sun remained hidden by the cloud and Jess sighed. "Bother."
The next day Jess was still trying to get her monitors online and spotted Abby and Emily out of the corner of her eye approaching her.
"Hey, Jess," Abby said. "How's it going?"
"Not too badly. I think we've managed to repair most of the damage," Jess said tapping at her keyboard. "I'll do a test run later today with everyone, so be ready for it. Oh, and by the way," she grabbed something from under her desk and thrust it towards Abby, "here's your stupid book back."
The glare she aimed at Abby made the other woman blink. "Thanks?"
"Becker found me reading it," Jess said evenly looking at her screen and typing furiously. "Then he teased me about it and because I have no filter on my mouth when it comes to him I wound up alluding to my utter lack of experience."
She hit the 'enter' key loudly. "Then it got all weird and I thanked him for helping me the other day and it got even weirder. Now he's not talking to me and looking at me all—"
"Weird?" Abby supplied.
"Yes."
"Oh, my," Emily said.
"Ugh," Jess said shaking her head. "This is ridiculous. I’m pathetic."
"Excuse me, but no, you are not," Emily said her eyes fierce. "Jess Parker, you are not pathetic. Who was it when in the midst of a proper allergic reaction managed to keep her head, think clearly and shoot a two inch beetle with dead accuracy?"
"I did," she said sitting up a little straighter.
"Yes, you did. So no more talk of being pathetic," Emily said. "You're simply attempting to begin a meaningful relationship with a man who has a very strong aversion to displays of affection. And closeness. And human emotions."
"Thanks, Emily." She sighed. "And he's not completely emotionally inept. I don't think. I just get so turned around when he’s near me."
"Well, that’s only natural as he’s the same way," Emily said.
"What?" Jess asked. "He's not."
"Oh, he is," Abby said. "Jess, come on. ‘Security stuff’? Nice. Nobody bought that one."
"I have a theory that your captain is actually far more over his head when it comes to you and has no idea what to do with his feelings," Emily said.
"That's... oddly reassuring," Jess said furrowing her brow. "Anyway, I'm too busy to worry about it. I just wish I'd stop feeling so...you know."
She waved her hand in the air.
"So...what? Confused?" Abby asked.
"No," Jess said.
"Upset?" Emily asked.
"No," Jess said. "So—physically...aware. Of him."
"You mean turned on?" Abby said leaning forward with a cheeky grin.
"Shh! And yes," Jess said furtively. "Oh, go away. I can't talk about this here. I have work to do."
"You know we could go out," Abby said. "Find you someone."
"What like a one night stand or a booty call?" Jess said looking at Abby askance.
"No, just have a fun night out. Dance, have a few drinks," Abby said. She turned to Emily. "We haven't taken you dancing yet. You'll love it."
"If you say so," Emily said uncertainly.
"I'll think about it," Jess said.
"Jess!" Lester called from the door of his office. "If you and the other ladies are quite finished I would like to have my office actually resemble an office this century, if that isn't too much trouble."
"Be right there!" Jess called back. Then under her breath added, "Honestly, that man."
"We'll catch you later, yeah?" Abby said.
"Later, yes," Jess said heading off towards Lester's office.
Abby and Emily shared a glance and then went their separate ways.
Later that day, Emily wandered into the canteen and saw Becker and Matt sitting at one of the small tables, each with a mug of tea and absorbed in their paperwork.
“Hello,” she said walking passed them to make her own cup.
“Hey,” Matt said a fond smile appearing on his face. Emily gave him a small smile of her own and once again marvelled at being around a man that wasn’t afraid or ashamed to show emotions. Especially emotions towards her. A quiet thrill ran through her. She quickly yet precisely made a cup of tea and took a seat next to Matt at the table.
Becker gave her a nod and went back to his files.
“What have you been up to?” Matt asked.
“Reading up on my history,” Emily said. “Jess and Abby have been very helpful in pointing out interesting moments in history and it’s terribly fascinating. So much has happened. So many advances.” She frowned. “Some of them quite terrible.”
“Not all of them, I hope,” he said quietly.
“No, not all of them,” she said giving him another of her smiles. Her face fell. “I do have a question about a phrase I heard today and didn’t get to clarify.”
“What phrase is that?” Matt asked raising his mug to his lips.
“Well, what exactly is a ‘booty call’?” she asked.
Matt choked on his tea and Becker snorted.
“Who was talking about booty calls?” Matt asked.
“Jess was,” Emily said noticing that Becker raised his head sharply. “Abby mentioned taking her out for a night out and finding her 'someone'. Jess then mentioned a one night stand and a booty call.” She tilted her head. “Going by the context, I believe I can determine the meaning of a ‘one night stand’, but booty call escapes me.”
“Ah, well,” Matt said blushing and looking awkward. “A booty call is pretty much someone calling another person up with the sole goal of, well, having sex.”
“Oh,” Emily said looking thoughtful.
“It tends to be a bit lacking in, well, depth of feeling,” Matt went on. “Are you sure it was Jess talking about this?”
“Oh yes, quite sure,” she said.
“That really doesn't sound like Jess,” Becker said his face a still mask. "Are you sure you heard correctly?"
“Well, yes,” Emily said. “I was there. Jess was the one who used the phrase.”
Becker put down the file and stared off into the distance. “Jess Parker does not use phrases like ‘booty call’, nor would she actually participate in one. She’s not that kind of girl.”
“The kind that has sex?” Emily asked bluntly. Matt choked on another sip of tea and prudently set the mug down on the table and pushed it away from him.
Becker looked uncomfortable. “No. I mean... I have no idea... I know that she hasn't really... At some point I'm sure... Look, she’s a nice girl and she would never do anything that didn’t have some kind of, I don’t know, meaning associated with it.”
“So only bad girls have sex?” Emily asked.
“No! Just.” Becker seemed to struggle for words. “Jess is very young and inexperienced and very…proper. She just wouldn’t do that kind of thing.”
This was said with a combination of stubbornness, derision and most telling of all, Emily noted, panic.
Emily studied him and finally said, “Talking about Jess having sex makes you uncomfortable.”
“Yes,” he said shuffling the file in his hands. “Talking about one of my friends having sex makes me uncomfortable.”
“Is it the fact that Jess might have had sex in the past or that she might have sex in the future?” Emily asked. “Which one makes you more uncomfortable?”
Becker seemed to sort of sputter and Matt just sat there while a smirk began to form on his face.
“Or,” Emily said triumphantly. “Is it the idea of Jess having sex with someone that isn’t you the true sticking point?”
Becker’s jaw dropped and Matt looked like he wanted to applaud.
“I-- I--,” Becker said. “I have to go. Somewhere. Else.”
He grabbed his papers and abruptly got up, his chair making a harsh scraping sound on the floor. Then he strode out of the break room.
Matt looked at Emily. “That was beautiful,” he told her. “Simply stunning.”
Emily merely smiled and took a dainty sip of her tea.
Becker got into the lift in what could accurately be described as a ‘huff’. He pressed the button for the armoury and crossed his arms over his chest, crumpling the files in the process.
‘Booty call’. Christ. There was no way Jess Parker would ever consider a bloody booty call. Or a one night stand. The idea was preposterous. Emily heard wrong.
But what if she didn’t? an evil little voice whispered.
“She did,” he said out loud, startling himself. He shook his head and rolled his eyes.
Of course, she did. Jess just wouldn’t do something like that. She was too naive, too sweet. To bloody young.
But...what if she being influenced by someone? Or felt like she needed to prove herself somehow? After what she’d sort of said the other day…
The image of some faceless bloke with his hands on her flashed in his mind. Jess directing one of her brilliant smiles at someone who wasn’t him. Letting someone else kiss the length of her neck… Trail their fingertips over her waist and the inside of her arms…
Jess spread out in someone else’s bed…
The lift stopped and the doors opened displaying the armoury. Becker stood there staring into space, hands clenched into fists.
Crap.
He pressed the button for the ADD floor.
By the time he got there, he’d worked himself up into a proper righteous indignation. How dare she even consider doing something so reckless? Didn’t she know that there were people out there just salivating at the chance to take advantage of a pretty, young girl like her? Was she honestly considering putting herself in that kind of harm’s way? Damn it, what was going through her head?
The lift doors opened and Becker stormed out of the lift and headed straight for the ADD and the petite young woman sitting in front of it.
“What the hell is this I hear about you looking for a one night stand?” he asked loudly.
Jess froze and turned in her chair, her eyes wide with shock and mortification. Silence reigned in the ADD.
A throat cleared just to the side of Becker and he turned to see Lester staring at him with a far too placid look.
“I’ll just leave these reports in your hands, shall I, Miss Parker?” he said. “It appears you have...other pressing matters to discuss.”
He gave Becker a look that could only be described as a ‘warning’ and then walked to his office, closing the door loudly.
Becker winced and turned to look at Jess who had turned a serious shade of pink. She swallowed hard.
“What did you say?” she asked faintly.
Becker cleared his throat. “I heard that you were, um, thinking about havingaonenightstand,” he said the last part very quickly and under his breath.
“I see,” she said and despite the furious blush on her face, she held her head high. “And precisely what business is it of yours?”
The ‘you ass’ was heavily implied.
He cleared his throat again. “I just think that participating in that kind of behaviour would be irresponsible and potentially dangerous,” he said. “You know how top-secret everything we do here is, it’s just not a good idea to put yourself out there into a vulnerable situation where you might reveal something you shouldn’t.”
Yeah. That was the wrong thing to say. Which he reliased precisely around the time her eyes narrowed.
“Oh, I see,” she said rising up out of her chair which actually gives her a bit of height over him. “So, you think that I’m incapable of being discreet and that the second my clothes come off, I’ll blab state secrets to the whole world.”
“That’s not what I meant,” he said.
“It’s what you said,” she said. She stepped down off the platform and even though this made her shorter than him, Becker was feeling really kind of small.
“Look--” she struggled to come up with an appropriate derogatory term and eventually settled on, “you. What I choose to do in my private time is exactly that: private. You have absolutely no say whatsoever. Is that clear?”
"Jess," he said, "you can’t just go throwing around that you’re looking for a booty call, people might get the wrong idea.”
She gave him a look that told him exactly how dumb she currently thought he was. “Becker. How do you know that that isn’t precisely the idea I want people to get?”
For the second time in less than an hour, Becker’s jaw dropped. Apparently satisfied that her point had been made, Jess turned on her heel (navy blue with a polka-dotted bow) and went back to her seat. She sat down, gave him a truly withering look and then swivelled around to face the monitors, effectively turning her back on him.
Becker stared at the back of her head and wondered if he could have possibly done an even worse job articulating himself than the one he just did. He looked away and saw Lester glaring disdainfully from behind his desk. With a sigh, Becker turned and got back into the lift hitting the button for the armoury with a great amount of force.
Jess heard the doors of the lift close and slumped down in her chair, the fight simply gone.
“Idiot,” she said softly not quite sure if she meant Becker or herself. Then with a shake of her head, she picked up her phone and tapped on one of the contacts. She crossed and arm over her chest as it rang. When it was answered Jess said, “Abby? You know how you mentioned something about going out? And dancing?” She lifted her chin. “I’m in. Let’s go tonight.”
Part Two
