I'm...good?

In my continued attempt to be more present here, here is a post! :D Honestly, things are...better. I'm still feeling all the things, but the main feeling I'm sitting with is disappointment.

I'm just so dang disappointed things ended the way they did when I'm fairly sure they didn't have to. I'm disappointed that we couldn't be what the other person wanted/needed. I'm disappointed that I'm grappling with the cultural/societal nonsense of feeling like I "failed," or I'm "not where I should be at this point in my life." It's all nonsense and I'm exactly where I should be because I'm alive and I'm thriving, so eff off society. I'm sorry for him that he's going to go through all this alone. I'm also disappointed because all the things that gave me pause initially are really coming to light. I'm not disappointed in myself, exactly, but some things have just been confirmed to me that I think I should have taken more seriously. They're things that were NEVER going to "get better." And I should have trusted my instincts. Now I know.

In good news, I'm feeling lighter and lighter and each day I'm that much further from the pain of it all and closer to feeling like my self again. I've made some really cool travel plans for next summer, something that I've always wanted to do, and I'm even considering home ownership.

And I have my hedgehog again! Her name is Mabel and she's a hilarious little grumpus and I love her.

In closing, it's Thursday, and while I could never get the hang of Thursdays, there are British murder mysteries to watch later this evening and a hedgie to cuddle (carefully) and I'm getting there.