seren_ccd | Avengers/Thor Fic: Mega-sharks, zombies and Paul Bunyan, oh my!, Darcy Lewis/Steve Rogers, PG-13

Title: Mega-sharks, zombies and Paul Bunyan, oh my!
Fandom: The Avengers and Thor
Pairing/Characters: Darcy Lewis/Steve Rogers
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Word Count: 4,310
Spoilers: The movies, but not Thor 2
Disclaimer: Not mine!

fringedweller asked me for this last year.

Summary: This is either an exploration of all the possible bad sci-fi movie tropes or this is actually Darcy's life now.

Minnesota

“You’d think I’d be used to this kind of stuff by now,” Steve said staring at the large stone statue of Paul Bunyan that was currently sauntering down Main Street, Minnesota.

“Tell me about it,” Darcy said from beside him. “At least he’s not shooting fire out of his mouth.”

The statue creaked and lifted something off his shoulder.

Darcy sighed. “Aw, crap. I forgot about the axe. God, I hope Babe the Blue Ox is taking a nap somewhere.”

To be fair, they weren’t in Minnesota to fight off mysteriously reanimated mythological statues; they were actually there as part of the Grand Introduction of the Avengers to Small Town America While Doing Good Stuff. (The official title was actually something far more pithy, but that’s how Darcy thought of the whole thing in her head and since she was the one who’d championed the idea, she figured she could call it whatever she wanted.)

Therefore that was why Steve was in Minnesota, to spread the word about the Avengers, do good stuff, and to just get people used to him again.

It had actually been a sore point with Steve to begin with, he hadn’t really wanted to go back to be a dancing monkey; even though he knew that was going to be required after New York. But he wanted to do it his way at the very least. Darcy was on his side the whole way after having bonded one night in Stark Tower over baseball.

(“How can you root for the Cubs? They haven’t won the series since 1912!”

“Dude! That’s because of the goat!”

“You’re not honestly blaming livestock for their losses?”

“Oh, shush. You do know the Dodgers moved away from Brooklyn? As in, across the freakin’ country.”

“Don’t remind me.”)

She’d been in the meeting with her fellow public relations colleagues (And yes, she still had a hard time believing that she had finished college (Bachelor’s in Political Science for the win, baby!), moved to New York, got a job in the Public Relations office at SHIELD. She figured they didn’t know what else to do with her and she wasn’t afraid to talk.) and she’d just watched as Steve’s face got stonier and stonier as ideas were thrown around the table. Someone mentioned dance shows and Darcy thought Steve was going to have an aneurysm right there at the table.

So she’d spoken up.

“Hey, Captain,” she’d said. “What do you want to do?”

The other PR bods looked at her like she was nuts; while Steve looked at her in relief.

“I don’t mind being the face of the Avengers and doing the marketing circus all over again,” he said evenly. “But I don’t want to go out there and just…market. It seems like a waste.”

“Sooo, you want to be more active? And maybe accomplish something in the process?” Darcy asked, her brain whirring. She looked at her boss, Sheila (scary, tiny woman who had an unlimited amount of sweater sets) and said, “I’m sure groups like Habitat for Humanity would be interested in an extra pair of hands.”

Sheila’s eyes narrowed appreciatively and Steve started to grin and that was that.

They’d started off in upstate New York, then it was on to Minnesota to help out with the construction of some small houses that had been destroyed in a tornado a month back.

And that was why Darcy and Steve were standing in the middle of the road looking at the colorful statue of America’s Greatest Dude with an Axe stride down the street.

“Any ideas, oh captain, my captain?” Darcy asked.

Steve shrugged. “Ask him to stop and put down the axe?”

“Ah, negotiations. I like.” Darcy gestured in front of her. “Have at.”

Steve squared his shoulders and walked up to Paul and shouted, “Mr. Bunyan! Would you please put down your axe?”

Paul’s answer was to take a swipe at Steve with the axe. Steve managed to leap over the axe and land on the other side.

“Oh, hell,” Darcy said, then she turned and started yelling at people to back up and get somewhere safe.

Steve caught up with her and said, “I don’t think he’s going to go quietly.”

“What do we do?” Darcy asked. “Trip him?”

Steve’s eyes brightened and he grinned at her. Her jaw dropped. “Dude! I was kidding! That shit only works in cartoons!”

“And it’ll work here! Hey, fellas! We need a lot of rope!” And he was off. Darcy did what she could to make sure that folks got out of the path of the lumberjack while Steve organized a group of construction workers to rig up a lengthy line of wire. Steve then went back and taunted Paul a bit more, the big guy followed him and before you knew it, Paul face-planted on the road.

If she hadn’t seen it with her own eyes, Darcy would have called anyone who told this story a big, fat liar. However, her eyes and the resulting vids on Youtube weren’t lying.

Afterwards they discovered that the mayor had been behind the whole thing with some help from a very large book of magic that he’d found one day in a rummage sale.

“They were going to make me retire,” Mr. McGillicutty yelled. “I’ve been mayor for 53 years! They can’t just make me retire!”

“And that’s your excuse for that?” Steve asked pointing at the prone statue still lying face down, his axe off to the side.

“It got folks’ attention, didn’t it?” the soon-to-be-former-mayor said with a shrug.

Steve shook his head and Darcy snorted. The local police took the man away and Darcy leafed through the book they found with the mayor.

“Unbelievable,” Darcy said shaking his head. “Magic.”

Steve gave her a look. She blinked. “What? You’ll believe in aliens and Tony Stark but not magic? I never thought I say this to you, but seriously, Steve. You gotta be more open-minded about things.”

It was his turn to snort while Darcy grinned at him. “This is not what I expected to happen on this trip,” he said.

“I know,” she said closing the book and putting it in her bag to give to the paranormal research team back at SHIELD. “It’s like something out of a bad sci-fi movie.”

They both stared at the statue and Darcy winced thinking about the damage that axe could have caused. Then she shook her shoulders and smacked Steve on the arm.

“Hey, it’s cool. It’s not like this is going to set some kind of weird precedent.”

She’d kick herself later for saying that. She’d kick herself really, really, hard.

Maine

Darcy glared at the ice outside. Really glared at it. Glared at it so hard she hoped she could actually melt the ice with the intensity of her glare.

It didn’t work.

“You know,” she said casually, stamping her feet and crossing her arms over her chest to trap her hands in her armpits to warm them up. “I actually like winter.”

“Oh?” Steve said from where he was trying all sorts of things with a panel of buttons. They had just managed to get inside the log cabin (that wasn’t really a log cabin more like a villain’s lair with lots of machines and flashing lights) before the ice that formed from the strange machine in the middle of the woods got to them. However, the ice was slowly creeping onto the porch and up the sides of the walls. Darcy took a step back.

“Yeah, I love winter,” Darcy said moving closer to Steve. “Winter means Christmas and eating a lot of food and apple cider and bobblehead hats and scarves.”

“I like scarves,” Steve said glancing over at her and then at the ice creeping into the cabin.

“Really?” Darcy said. “I’ll have to knit you one.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Steve. Be gracious and just say ‘Thanks, Darcy. I’d love to wear a scarf knitted by you if we happen to get out of this man-made winter,” Darcy said.

“Thanks, Darcy. I’d love to wear a scarf knitted by you if we happen to get out of this man-made winter,” Steve said dead-pan, although she caught sight of the upwards curve of his mouth.

“You’re very welcome,” Darcy said, stamping her feet again. “So, I like winter. But I don’t like this one because even though it’s Maine, it’s freakin’ August and therefore this should not be happening.”

“Seems like this is why Dr. Casparian wasn’t keen on the new baseball field being built on the edge of the woods,” Steve said.

“Yeah, ‘cause he didn’t want anyone to know he was Mr. Freeze-ing it up out here.” Darcy shivered violently and nearly bit her lip. “Stupid Maine. I blame Stephen King.”

Steve frowned. “He’s a writer, right?”

“Yep. He wrote too many stories about evil, creepy stuff and it like, seeped into the ground or something,” Darcy said through clenched teeth.

“I don’t think it really works that way, but I see where you’re going with it,” Steve said rolling his shoulders and Darcy caught sight of his clenched jaw.

“Not really enjoying this, either are you?” she asked.

He looked at her and smiled ruefully. “Not really.”

Darcy nodded a bit more sharply than usual, the cold making her movements clumsy and awkward. “Bad memories. I get you.” She shivered violently again.

“Oh, God, Darcy, come here,” he said and then she was in his arms and she felt a little bit of herself melt into his oh, so very strong arms. She’d always expected them to be hard as steel, but they weren’t. They were firm but gentle and his hand cradled the back of her head and she burrowed her nose into his chest deciding that warmth was the better part of valor and she’d worry about cuddling with her platonic buddy Steve later. Although…he smelled really, really good.

“You smell nice,” she murmured.

“So do you,” he said, his mouth pressed to the top of her head.

“Thank you,” she said smiling into his chest.

Subconsciously or maybe consciously, Darcy wasn’t sure, they started to sway back and forth together. A calm fell over Darcy that was probably mostly the cold but also a hefty dose of Steve. She didn’t know how long they stood wrapped up in each other, but she couldn’t feel her feet at all.

“Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s really cold.”

“I know. I’m not sure what to do.”

Darcy snuffled a little and pressed herself even closer. “We had an air conditioner unit once that would blast cold air like this ‘cept it was broken and the only way to get it to stop was to unplug the damn thing.”

They both stopped swaying and raised their heads to look at each other.

“It cannot be that simple,” Darcy stated.

“I’m willing to try if you are,” Steve said in his Captain America voice.

“Lead on, Captain.”

It was as simple as that. They found the power supply and with a decent punch from Steve, they killed the power.

Steve insisted they stay until the baseball field was finished. Not that Darcy minded, she got to cheer the kids on while she knitted Steve’s scarf (there was a crazy, awesome yarn shop in town and she got a fabulous deal on some deep green Merino wool).

As they headed back to New York in their SHIELD-issued SUV, Darcy asked, “So, had enough of small-town weirdness or shall we push our luck again?”

“Where’s next?”

“West coast of Florida. Palmetto Beach,” Darcy said with a sigh of relief.

“Perfect.”

“Sun, sand and margaritas the size of my head,” Darcy said. “And hey, it’s Florida. That state can’t possibly get any weirder than it already is, right?”

Short answer? Yes. Yes, it could.

Florida

“You know,” Darcy yelled over the rushing water that was steadily filling up the boat behind them, “if I didn’t know any better, I’d say we were trapped in some really, really bad sci-fi movie marathon.”

“What? You mean monster sharks with razor sharp fins don’t actually exist?” Steve yelled back as he paddled steadily to get them to the dock just yards away. They’d both fallen into the water after the shark’s fin had sawed through the large yacht. They’d clambered into the small dinghy and Darcy was simply praying they’d make it to land before the shark found them again.

“No! No, they don’t!” Darcy yelled back. “And they sure as hell shouldn’t! Stupid evil scientists! I liked this dress!”

Steve glanced back at her in her soaking wet dark blue sundress that clung to her skin. “So did I,” he said with a grin.

Darcy’s jaw dropped. “Steven Rogers, are you flirting with me?”

“Isn’t that what happens in a bad sci-fi movie?” he yelled, the muscles in his arms rippling in glorious ways as he rowed them to the dock, his own red t-shirt plastered to his skin. “The guy flirts with the girl as they race away from danger? It’s a common trope in modern adventure fiction.”

“I knew getting you to learn about modern culture via those Berkeley lectures off Coursera was going to bite me in the ass,” she said, feeling her cheeks flush, and not just from the fact that she was scared out of her mind. Then she realized what she’d just said. “Oh, shitballs. Steve, please get us out of here.”

“I will, trust me,” he said.

The dock was in sight, but so was the shark. Darcy spotted the fin heading their way and she froze. Everything got quiet inside her head, the sound of the water, the crack of the yacht behind them breaking as it sank, everything faded into murmurs, she just saw that massive fin heading towards her.

“Darcy! Hands up, now!”

Steve’s voice broke through her haze and without taking her eyes off the fin, she raised her hands.

Warm, strong hands grabbed hers and then she was lifted out of the dinghy and onto the dock.

“Oh, fuck, Steve,” she gasped as her feet found purchase on the dock and she met his very blue eyes.

He nodded. “I know, sweetheart. Now, run!”

Two hours and one very exploded shark later, Darcy sat and watched as SHIELD agents and the local law enforcement arrested a trio of, well, she had to say it, mad scientists. She pulled the coat one of the EMTs had given her closer and ducked her head. She saw Steve head her way, his stride sure and steady. She breathed deep.

“Hey,” he said sitting next to her. “You okay?”

“Nope. Not even a little bit,” she said shaking her head.

“Yeah.” He put his arm around her and she realized that she thought she was upset because of the stupid shark. But that wasn’t it. And she couldn’t bring herself to tell him the truth.

Later that night, back in her motel room, she called Natasha. Somehow, through various meetings at SHIELD headquarters and in the communal kitchen at the tower, Darcy had come to view Natasha as a friend. It was possible it was the fact that Darcy could sniff out a farmer’s market like no one else and Natasha appreciated fresh vegetable soup that did it.

“So, I hear you guys needed a bigger boat today,” Natasha said when she came into view.

“Clint made you say that, didn’t he?” Darcy asked.

Natasha shrugged. “He promised me he’d make me dinner for the next week.”

“He does make a mean lasagna,” Darcy said, propping her head on her chin.

“He does. Now, what happened?” She held up a hand. “The unofficial version of events.”

Darcy looked down. “I…oh, God, Natasha. It was bad. I just… I froze, all right? I just…could not move. It was there and the dock was right there but I just couldn’t turn around and Steve had to save me and I just…fucking froze.”

“To be fair, a very large shark was heading your way,” Natasha said.

“So?” Darcy said throwing her hands in the air. “Would that have stopped you?”

Natasha paused. “Darcy. You’re not me.”

“That is abundantly clear,” Darcy said slumping down. “I just feel…weak.”

“Mega-sharks tend to do that to people,” Natasha said. Darcy glared. “Look. You had a bad day. But you got through it. In fact, I heard it was your quick thinking that found the scientist’s…lair.”

“I know, I can’t believe I used that word either,” Darcy said, “and yeah, I did, but…”

“No buts.” Natasha lowered her head and stared Darcy in the eyes. “We all have our abilities and those have limits. Stop beating yourself up because you ran into one of those limits today.”

Darcy stared back and sighed. “You are a very, scary, smart lady.”

“Thank you,” Natasha said starting to smile. “Now go find Steve. He probably thinks whatever’s bothering you is his fault.”

“He flirted with me,” Darcy blurted out.

Natasha raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“It was cute,” Darcy said looking down at her hands.

“I bet it was.” Natasha sounded like she was about to start laughing, so Darcy rolled her eyes.

“Thanks for the pep talk,” she said. “I appreciate it.”

“Keep me posted on this…flirting thing.”

“There’s a pool, somewhere isn’t there?”

Natasha shrugged. “We live in Stark Tower, what do you think?”

“Figures.” Darcy logged off and then fell back on her bed. She planned to think about Natasha’s advice, but fell straight to sleep instead.

She woke up with terrible bedhead, but in a much better mood. In fact, after a shower and a healthy dollop of conditioner in her hair, she practically skipped out to the SUV where Steve was waiting.

“Morning,” he said looking amused. “Sleep well?”

“Who knew that blowing up giant fish with massive teeth was so good at helping you get to sleep?” Darcy said. “I’m starving.”

“Pancakes?”

“And bacon! Copious amounts of bacon.” Darcy got into the car and they pulled out of the motel parking lot. She headed towards the only decent diner in town.

“Looks like the fundraiser is still going to go ahead,” Steve said. “Just…”

“Not at the marina?” Darcy filled in.

“They decided to hold it at the high school gym,” Steve said.

“Good plan.”

“Where to after this?”

Darcy glanced at him. “You sure? I mean, I’m kinda noticing a pattern of wacky shenanigans.”

Steve shrugged. “I promised I would.”

“Okay, then,” Darcy said grinning. “Well, North Carolina’s next. Which is good. I don’t think too much wacky stuff happens there.”

She really needed to stop saying shit like that.

North Carolina

“Hey, professor, you want to hurry it up back there?” Darcy yelled over her shoulder as she stared at the door to the bunker that shuddered with the force of several dozen of local citizens recently turned into zombies.

“I’m trying, Miss Lewis!” Professor Marcus said sweating profusely and trying to tap on his laptop. “But this is hardly an exact science!”

Darcy rolled her eyes as Steve came to stand next to her, hefting a rubber pellet shotgun. Darcy hefted her own Stark-improved fast-acting tazer in her hand and met his eyes.

“They’re still themselves, right?” Steve asked. “Which means we can’t kill them.”

Darcy nodded. “Roger that.”

The door shuddered again, this time the hinges creaked ominously. Darcy stepped closer to Steve.

“What if we get over-powered?” Darcy asked softly.

“Then do what you have to,” Steve said. The grim tone of his voice made her look up at him. He gazed down at her and gave her a small smile. “We’re getting out of this, Darcy. I promise.”

A corner of Darcy’s mouth quirked up. “I’m gonna hold you to that, captain.”

The door shuddered again and the top hinge fell to the ground.

“Oh, crap, Steve,” Darcy said holding her tazer out in front of her.

“I know. Darcy-“

She raised her face to his and suddenly his mouth was moving on hers, firmly, gently, sweetly, and then not so sweetly and her hands fisted in his shirt and his hand was warm and big as it cradled her head and her heart thudded in her chest and she kissed him back with everything she had.

He lifted his head and they stared at each other.

“Is this you following modern story-telling tropes again?” Darcy asked weakly.

Steve shook his head. “No.”

“Oh. Okay.” Darcy swallowed hard. “Then we’ve got to get through this so you can do that again when we’re not facing legions of the almost undead.”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Steve said nodding.

The door gave an almighty crash as it fell to the ground and Steve starting shooting.

“Whoa! Hold fire, cap! Jesus!”

Darcy groaned and nearly threw her tazer at Tony who stood in the doorway in full Iron Man regalia. He had his arms outstretched as the locals attempted to get past him.

“So, how’s the Magical Mystery Tour going?” Tony asked, his smirk unbelievably evident through Iron Man’s voice.

“What are you doing here?” Steve asked, lowering the shotgun a little.

“One of the satellites picked up some weird chatter on the police scanners in this area and we figured you two had stumbled into another wacky adventure,” Tony said. “Bruce is dying to play mad scientist and experiment with beakers. Why didn’t you call us sooner?”

“Oh, where’s the fun in that?” Darcy said exasperated.

A few hours later, after the locals had been injected with what everyone hoped would un-zombify them, Darcy once again sat huddled in someone else’s jacket surveying the scene in front of her. However, this time, it was Steve’s jacket and it smelled like him and was warm like him, but sadly, wasn’t capable of kissing her like him. She frowned.

It had been a heck of a kiss and knowing her luck, two things were going to happen: 1) he’d try to come up with some way of ignoring the kiss as if it didn’t happen or 2) he’d be called off on some Avenger mission and it’d be weeks before she saw him next.

Annnd…it’s Box Number Two for those playing at home!

Oregon

Darcy wiped the sweat off her brow and lifted her hammer up to try to remove the last stubborn nail. As she’d predicted, it had been two weeks since she’d seen Steve since The Kiss and she’d headed on ahead of Steve to their next scheduled stop in Oregon assisting a local group with the demolition and rebuild of a large community center.

She’d been pitching in and working her butt off to get things going and well, let’s be totally honest here, she’d been doing everything she could to distract herself from The Kiss and what it could mean.

Because if she let herself dwell herself dwell, she’d start thinking all sorts of dangerous thoughts about how maybe this was her chance to have a decent relationship with a guy who was honest and good and that liked her and listened her and had arms that just thinking about made her weak in the knees.

She pulled hard on the hammer and the nail and hammer went flying. She yelped and turned around in time to see the source of her thoughts dodge the flying tool.

The look he gave her was priceless and she groaned and laughed at the same time. “Oh, crap. Typical. Hi, Steve.”

“Hi, yourself,” he said cautiously. “May I come in?”

He gestured at the partially demolished walls.

Darcy nodded. “Yeah, yeah, come in. I wasn’t aiming, I promise.”

“I’d understand if you were,” he said wincing. “I kinda took off last time and we didn’t get a chance to talk.”

“Did you want to talk?” Darcy said standing and regretting her sartorial choice of overalls. No one looked good in overalls and she’d wanted to look good for this conversation.

“Of course,” Steve said. “I don’t go around kissing girls and running away.” He frowned. “Well, I don’t mean to. But I don’t want you to think that it didn’t mean anything, ‘cause it did. It meant a lot.”

“It wasn’t just because of adrenaline and impending doom at the hands of mostly zombified North Carolinians?” Darcy said taking a step forward.

Steve took a step forward shaking his head. “Nope.”

“Or because you got to see me completely wet that time when I was wearing my best bra?” Darcy asked starting to grin.

Steve paused and then shook his head. “Nope. Although that wasn’t a bad look for you.”

Darcy mock-gasped. “Steve Rogers! You’re flirting again.”

“And I’m not planning on stopping anytime soon,” he said taking the last couple of steps to slide his hands around her waist. She tipped her head back to look him in the eyes. “Darcy, I kissed you because there’s no one else I’d rather face mega-sharks, animated statues and zombies with.”

“Be still my heat,” Darcy said cupping his face with her hands. “Ditto, Steve, ditto. Now kiss me.”

Steve grinned and then lowered his head. Just as their lips met, a blood-curdling scream came from the old rec room down the hall. They stared at each other for a moment and then rushed down the room.

Carly, one of the volunteers, was shaking and pointing at a large human body-shaped cocoon that had clearly fallen from the ceiling.

“It just fell out of the attic!” Carly said. “What is it?”

“Oh, balls, I’ve seen this X-Files episode,” Darcy said slumping against Steve. She looked up at him. “Should we call in the team?”

Steve looked down and her and kissed the tip of her nose. “Where’s the fun in that?” he asked.

Darcy grinned.