seren_ccd: (Sherlock (BBC)- Lestrade is amused by yo)
[personal profile] seren_ccd
I've already entered this over at [livejournal.com profile] sherlockbbc_fic as a prompt, but this is my personal canon for the Holmes family.

WARNING: Spoilers for the movie RED.

Helen Mirren played Victoria, a wicked, amazing, former British spy, BAMF in RED. She had an affair with the Ivan, played by the lovely Brian Cox, a Russian spy.

Victoria is Mummy.

Mycroft and Sherlock are just now being informed that Ivan is the father.

Cue bafflement, glares, Victoria and Ivan being adorable and John and Lestrade attempting to be calming influences.

Yes. I know. I have much too much time on my hands.

However, who is actually going out for drinks tonight?

Woohoo!

Date: 2010-12-14 05:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] reasdream.livejournal.com
Right. Now I have to go see Red! (luckily it's playing here, now)

Date: 2010-12-14 09:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seren-ccd.livejournal.com
You MUST! It's really hilarious and really fun. It's pretty mindless, I have to say and it is rather violent. But, seriously fun!

Date: 2010-12-14 07:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] esme-green.livejournal.com
Good god, woman, your brain.

::passes seal of approval::

Date: 2010-12-14 09:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seren-ccd.livejournal.com
I KNOW! I'm insane. The things that go through my head. I shouldn't be allowed out some days. ;D

Date: 2010-12-14 11:46 pm (UTC)
ext_18985: (amused)
From: [identity profile] aj.livejournal.com
Wait.. does this make Christine either Sherlock or Mycroft's lil' girl?

(Sorry, sorry. I really do have a one-track mind.)

Also, I NEED TO OWN THAT MOVIE.

Date: 2010-12-15 08:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seren-ccd.livejournal.com
See, this is the fun bit! I think there is a sister, named Angharad who is the black sheep of the family and had no desire to rule the world or fight crime. So she went to a small liberal arts college in the US, met Mr. Chapel, fell in love and stayed. They had Christine whom Victoria adores because she reminds her of herself. Christine always has fun with her Uncles Mycroft and Sherlock when she visits. Well, fun-ish. :D

I HADN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT CHRISTINE AS YOU CAN SEE!

I, too, must have this movie. I get the impression it may become my comfort film. Whenever I'm feeling down, I'll just watch Karl get taken down my New Orleans police. :D
Edited Date: 2010-12-15 10:40 am (UTC)

Date: 2010-12-15 02:24 pm (UTC)
ext_18985: (geeky)
From: [identity profile] aj.livejournal.com
Angharad totally hates her mum for the name she saddled her with, doesn't she? Also, EEEEEEEEE!!! This! Exactly this! And can you imagine Chris's long-suffering face whenever her Uncles get in shenanigans when she visits? (Lestrade totes has her on speed dial, if just to occasionally call and beg her not to join the family business.)

OMG, you took that thought right out of my brain and thought it WITH me. Or rewind the bits with the Dad voice. Seriously, though, he was adorable in that movie and I need it to own FOREVER. *sticks it on Amazon list* The end of January cannot come soon enough for many, many reasons.

Date: 2010-12-15 02:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seren-ccd.livejournal.com
Ooh, ooh, ooh! The reason she falls for Leonard is because she's always had something of a crush on Inspector LEstrade from when she was a little girl, because he was one of the only ones who could talk her uncles into some sort of sense. So, when she meets a doctor that's adorably scruffy and lovably grumpy IT SORT OF CLICKS!

DAD VOICE! *bounces* Is it January yet? *bounces some more*

Date: 2010-12-15 03:50 pm (UTC)
ext_18985: (i win)
From: [identity profile] aj.livejournal.com
!!!!!!!

OMG, LEN IS GRUMPY AND ADORABLE AND OMG, I LOVE MAKEBELIEVE CHAPEL AND MCCOY SO HARD, SEREN. SO HARD. Like, I'm literally grinning at my desk. They're just so incredibly adorable. SO MUCH COMPLETE LOVE FOR THEM.

I wonder if Cooper has a twin brother. Because how fun would THOSE family reunions be?

Seriously, that movie made me so damn happy too. I can't even talk about it. *glees*

Date: 2010-12-15 04:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seren-ccd.livejournal.com
I KNOW! They really, really are my happy place.

I couldn't help myself

Date: 2010-12-15 03:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seren-ccd.livejournal.com
"Gran, you didn't say anything about the uncles being here," Christine said her voice raised in a panic McCoy was certain he'd never heard before. "Why are the uncles here?"

"Because they love you, darling," Victoria, Christine's extremely lovely grandmother said. "It's simply been ages since they've seen you."

Christine gave her a look that was sharp and assessing and McCoy fought the rush of arousal at seeing what he called her 'hawk's eyes'. Usually when he saw those eyes, something mind-blowing tended to happen to his body.

There was the sound of people approaching the sitting room (and just how did he manage to get involved with a woman whose family used sitting rooms?) and McCoy got to his feet feeling uneasy.

Four men entered the room. Two were tall and thin with sharp, intelligent eyes and features that McCoy recognized instantly. The uncles, he thought.

Christine went to the grey-haired one first. "Uncle Mycroft," she said warmly. The older gentleman kissed both her cheeks with a practiced air all the while keeping his eyes on McCoy. The uneasiness in his stomach increased.

The other uncle merely gave Christine a nod and a, "Space travel must agree with you, Christine. You look well."

"It does and I know perfectly well how I look, Uncle Sherlock," she said. "Thank you."

Her face then transformed into a warm smile. "Hello, Uncle Greg."

The man standing next to Mycroft (and McCoy had always thought Leonard was bad) looked solid and dependable. A man's man, if you will. He met Christine's smile with a smile of his own.

"Chrissy, how's my favorite niece?" Uncle 'Greg' swept her up into a hug that raised her off her feet. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and then turned to the final man who, while shorter than the others, had an air of strength to him.

"Uncle John," she said. He hugged her tightly and whispered something in her ear. She just grinned and shrugged her shoulders.

"He's divorced, Christine," the one she called Sherlock said. "You are aware, I hope."

"Yes, well aware," Christine said with a sigh. "I suppose asking you to refrain and be nice would be a waste of my breath?"

"We're only looking out for you, dearest," Mycroft said never once removing his eyes from McCoy. "He's certainly...earthy."

McCoy started to frown. Wait a second...

"He's got a temper, has no regard for new technology, hates space travel and is most certainly entertaining salacious ideas about you," Sherlock said to Christine, his eyes travelling up and down McCoy's person.

"I'm more than aware of his temper and his opinions about technology and space and as for the salacious ideas," Christine said coming to stand next to McCoy, "I have the same ideas regarding him."

All the men, including McCoy, winced and looked uncomfortable. Victoria simply beamed at her granddaughter.

"He had at least two tumblers of Andorian whiskey before coming here today," Sherlock said finally.

"And who could blame him?" Uncle John said under his breath.

Uncle Greg finally crossed the invisible line in the room separating McCoy from the uncles. He held out his hand and with a grin just said, "Welcome to the family!"

*send help, i think i've finally lost it*

Me either.

Date: 2010-12-15 04:40 pm (UTC)
ext_18985: (chapel)
From: [identity profile] aj.livejournal.com
Will's not suspicious when his mother lets him know that his brother's bringing a girl home for Christmas. Well, no more than his regular paranoia, fostered by years of training and field work wit the C.I.A. He runs a light background check on one 'Christine Victoria Chapel' and comes back with nothing more than a few speeding tickets and the knowledge that his brother had started dipping into the nursing pool after his divorce.

On paper, she's lovely. Six year veteran RN at Len's hospital, hired right out of nursing school with a large bonus and currently finishing up her Nurse/Midwife degree part-time. Generally well respected by the staff and not just because she can put up with Len's stubborn ass.

So, he's not suspicious or worried when he, Coleen, Jake and Tess pull up to his parents' old farm house. The drive from Virginia was long, and he's more than ready to turn Jake and Tess out into the back yard with Jo. He has no idea what parents did before dvd players and ipods, but if the road trip memories of his child were any indication, there's no wonder why both his parents were recovering alcoholics.

He knows many things about himself and his brother, and he's honestly amazed that his mother never strangled them and left them in a ditch. Especially after that trip to Yellowstone.

So, when he finally gets the five pieces of luggage and large boxes of gifts in the front door, it takes a moment for him to process exactly what he's seeing. By the time he's actually managed to realize that, no, he is not hallucinating and that, yes, it actually is Ivan Simanov chatting with Coleen while holding one of his grandmother's prized punch glasses, a warm and very strong feminine arm is wrapped around his waist and limiting access to his concealed weapon.

"William." The older woman's voice is just as British and just as commanding as he remembers it. It's not reassuring in the least. "I thought we might have a word before you get necessarily loud and there is an altercation where none need be."

And really, she has his balls in a vice because Simanov is now laughing and talking to his children.

Glaring down at Victoria, he gives a jerky nod before allowing her to herd him into the formal parlor. "What is-"

"Calm down, William. We come in peace and this was as much of a surprise to me." She backs the statement up by letting go of his concealed, but not before bumping his hip hard enough to let him know that, yes, she was still armed, and no, there was nothing he could do about it that wouldn't bring the rest of his parents' house down around them.

"How are you here?"

Victoria just laughs and wanders over to peruse the family photos framed and mounted on the wall. Front and center is the formal portrait his parents had insisted on as part of last year's Christmas gift. His parents were smiling, surrounded by their sons and their respective families. "Strangely, young man, I was invited."

"Do you know my parents?" Because it's not that unbelievable. His parents travel quite extensively and while completely unlikely it is possible that they'd met Simanov and Victoria on one of their senior cruises. Which seemed slightly more likely than Moses and his crew showing up to burn and salt his family farm.

Re: Me either.

Date: 2010-12-15 04:40 pm (UTC)
ext_18985: (chapel)
From: [identity profile] aj.livejournal.com
"Not until this weekend, although they are lovely people. No, young man, my presence is slightly more entertaining and coincidental than that."

"What? What are you-" But he's interrupted then, by a lovely blonde woman in a blue sweater that matches the description and photo of one Nurse Christine Chapel.

"Grandmother? What are you doing in here? I thought you were coming to help me and Joanna with the ginger bread houses?"

"Grandmother?" If the adrenaline weren't pumping as hard, he'd probably be a lot more embarrassed with how his voice cracked right there.

"Oh!" A wide smile breaks across the younger woman's face, and in that instant he can see the resemblance between the two women. "You must be Will! Len's been snorting and stomping for the last hour, wondering when you were getting in. I'm Christine, and you seem to have already met my Grandmother. It was so lovely of your parents to invite them!"

It's only years of experience and a growing certainty that the universe absolutely hated him with every single fiber of its being that kept the abject horror from crawling across his face.

Victoria's resulting giggle makes him think, maybe, it didn't work as well as he'd hoped.

Re: Me either.

Date: 2010-12-15 04:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seren-ccd.livejournal.com
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

*deep breath*

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

I love you so very much! This is brilliant and amazing and ohmygod you have Victoria down. Oh, Will you poor darling. *bounces* So perfect!

And seriously, brain twins, ftw! Damn. *bouncesbouncesbounces*

Re: Me either.

Date: 2010-12-15 06:09 pm (UTC)
ext_18985: (glee)
From: [identity profile] aj.livejournal.com
Will's life just got infinitely more complex, mortifying, and entertaining.

Grandpa Ivan would probably be hysterical, FYI.

And OMG, THIS IS SUCH A FUN, EVIL IDEA I LOVE IT FOREVER.

Re: Me either.

Date: 2010-12-15 07:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seren-ccd.livejournal.com
Will is totally going to spend the majority of this holiday wincing and escaping to the porch with Len to drink copious amounts of alcohol.

Grandpa Ivan would be so DARLING. He'd totally let the kids climb all over him and show them the best way to have a snowball fight and nick the best cookies from the kitchen.

I LOVE THIS UNIVERSE! IT EXISTS!!!

Re: Me either.

Date: 2010-12-15 09:12 pm (UTC)
ext_18985: (evil)
From: [identity profile] aj.livejournal.com
It'll be worse because Coleen and Ivan TOTALLY hit it off like gangbusters and spend hours debating trashy Russian literature. And Victoria and his mom are like, new BFF's and EVERYONE is in awe of Victoria's ability to construct gingerbread houses and kick complete ass at Call of Duty on the Wii.

And OH, GOD. He'll be having minor strokes, waiting for Len to say something stupid (it's Len. He'll say something stupid) and get shot in the head or something. And Len's freaking out because it's Christmas and he brought a lady home and Joanna's only stomped off twice, and thinks Victoria and Ivan are nice, if a bit weird, and wants to know why they both make his brother look like he wants to jump in a lake.

Meanwhile, Victoria and Ivan are having the time of their lives fucking with Will and spending time with Christine and fielding calls from The Boys. With some poignant moments as this is Ivan's first Christmas spent around Victoria and his ACTUAL OMG GRANDDAUGHTER.

Also.

---

"I'm not going to threaten his life, you know."

Will jerked slightly. Victoria just patted the arm hers were hooked through and kept walking. Ahead, Len was rolling his eyes, his mouth was tugging into a reluctant smile at something Christine was saying. As unorthodox as this whole vacation was, it was good to see his brother happy. Jocelyn had done a real number on him.

"I'm surprised."

"That I won't threaten violence on your brother?" He could hear the smile in her voice. "Unlike you, young man, I am very aware of the boundaries between civilian and public life. Your brother is a good man who treats Christine like gold. More than that, he's not like you or I in a very specific, very important way."

It was such an odd thing to say.

Will stayed quiet, merely reaching over and curling his free hand around the gloved fingers wrapped around his bicep. Their eyes met, serious and intent in the cold wind off the river.

"How is he different than me?" He wanted to know. Needed to know. He and Len were very different people, even if they had the same face, but he wanted to know what Victoria saw. Which was strange, given that less than a year ago they'd nearly killed each other several times over.

"Oh, dear boy." Victoria shook her head and smiled at him, sad in the twinkling outdoor lights. "She would always be first for him. Above country or ideals."

Something inside him fluttered and settled. A painful truth, maybe, but a truth nonetheless.

"So, no. I won't threaten your brother. Besides." The look she shot him as she started moving again was knowing, and not a little frightening. Butter could not have melted in her mouth. "Christine can take care of herself. I'd never insult her by intimating she couldn't. After all, she is my granddaughter."

Every time he thought the overwhelming terror had dissipated. Dammit.

In the distance, Joanna was bent over giggling as Len tossed a shrieking Christine into a snow drift.

"Fuck, she's going to marry him, isn't she?"

Victoria's laugh is bright and loud in the cold, dark night.

Re: Me either.

Date: 2010-12-15 09:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seren-ccd.livejournal.com
Every time he thought the overwhelming terror had dissipated. Dammit.

I'M SO IN LOVE! Ugh. Just so gorgeous. Victoria is stunning and I love Will. He's a really good brother isn't he?

HEARTS IN MY EYYYEEEESS!

And Ivan with his Christine would be so precious and lovely. Eeeeee!

Date: 2011-01-13 01:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] reasdream.livejournal.com
I blame my current plot bunny on you, and so I'm going to share this much with you: if Helen Mirren is Mummy, she has an assistant. Who is, apparenly, played by Ianto Jones.

Date: 2011-01-13 08:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seren-ccd.livejournal.com
Perfect! I love it! DO IT!!!! :D

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